Christmas and New Year's

I find myself to be not as festive as I might like. Christmas had a lot of the regular things. Gifts, family, food. I'm actually sort of bored, however. I'm beginning to think that this may be why people have children. What else is there to do? The kids are the ones with all the activities, toys, etc. Plus, they get all excited about stuff. I got a camera and I really liked it.

Now, the next challenge is to decide what to do for New Years'. Unfortunately for me, Georgia Tech is playing in a bowl game on New Years' Eve and everyone I know is watching it. I hate football. Not sure what to do about it. Let me know if you have any ideas. It's depressing to think that I'll spend another new year going to bed early.

If you ever wondered whether or not my cat has it better than you...

Take a look at this day in the sun:



This day on the sofa:



In fact, being hugged by me is maybe the worst part of his day:

I have a Christmas song in my head but otherwise...

I keep being surprised how late in the month it is because I'm really not experiencing Christmas at all. We have a small aluminum tree with attached lights which we put up on a table near the front window so that it looks, from the street, like we have a regular-sized aluminum tree. I completed my Christmas shopping the weekend after Thanksgiving. Thanks to the crappy economy, it wasn't very crowded. Now I just get up and go to work every day...nothing has changed. This sort of depresses me. Also, it's kind of hot outside. I will continue humming my song. "Ding dong merrily on high!"

...and three more...and two more...

The title of my blog refers to the mantra chanted by my mother's Jane Fonda workout videos when I was younger. People say that the way diet/exercise are treated in your family growing up informs your lifetime relationship with food and I think my parents did pretty well. I'm not overly obsessed, I don't think, and I'm not unhealthy. We ate well in my house, not much restaurant food, always sitting at the dining room table for dinner. I'm not sure what it takes to be someone who is effortlessly thin. Probably bags of marshmallows are out, but I'm not much of a binger so that doesn't help me.

Not that any of you care much, but, along with the rest of the country, I've gained on the order of 5-7 lbs. in the past few weeks. It's a combination of factors, including: stress associated with turning in my thesis, Thanksgiving, and a wonky knee that is maybe tendonitis (i.e., jumper's knee). I've been enjoying cookies, ice cream, chocolate, etc. as surrogates for rest/relaxation. Also, I've been actually physically resting as a proxy for mental relaxation. The result is that I'm now stressed about weight gain, in addition to my job and the economy.

Fortunately and unfortunately, I already go to the gym kind of a lot. The result of that is that I need to make some other change, such as diet (ew, worst possible change), or adding cardio (ew, running...I'm re-thinking the worst possible change). I decided to try stepping up my swimming game by trying to do 1-minute laps, in order to make swimming more rigorous. My progress so far involves the fact that it rained on the day I had decided to swim and no one wanted to walk to the CRC...so I didn't go. Sigh. This is an eternal battle. I wish it weren't.

Whooping Cranes Arrive in Tennessee!

I can't believe I didn't post about my whooping crane experience.

So, my Dad lives near a wildlife refuge that is along the fly-way for sandhill cranes.



So, we all went out, the day after Thanksgiving, to see if we could see some sandhill cranes, and the off-chance of maybe seeing a whooping crane. We called Kevin's parents to come too because they've just started birding. They brought Kevin's nephew, Zachary, which was fun.





Here's a picture of when we were totally excited to see a single whooping crane, which is the white dot among all the gray dots in this photo, way off in the background...you have to click on the photo to see it.



Well, so, all these fancy birdwatchers started showing up with fancy scopes and things and, ultimately was saw 8 whooping cranes! Eight in one place. None of birders or anyone had ever seen so many in one place! It was thrilling. Here's a picture of one of the bird watchers with his fancy camera and Zachary, having been given permission to look through the fancy scope:



When Kevin realized how much gear is involved, he thought he might like birding. Also, we do now have Whooping Cranes on our list, and that's a big one.

Here comes Santa Claus, here comes Santa Claus

The title of the blog is inspired by Emily's quiz, asking me how I feel about Christmas music. I think the answer is that it depends on my mood but that, for the most part, I like Christmas stuff. My coffee lady has had the stuff out since Halloween and I enjoy it. I don't really mind that it comes early anymore because time moves so fast for me now.

I did almost all of my Christmas shopping this weekend (crowd applauds) and, in the stores, they were playing Christmas carols that stayed in my head long enough for me to get through wrapping the presents in the Christmas spirit. I also proceeded to drag some Christmas stuff up from my dad's basement and put it all over the house (much to my dad's chagrin). My sister will be glad, when she arrives, that there is at least a little bit of Christmas stuff. She apparently put out Thanksgiving stuff last time she was at Dad's so we're decorating for each other. I moved my sister's pumpkin from the front steps to the back yard, changed the harvest wreath she put up for some giant plastic bells, and shook the dust off of the Christmas tree doormat (which has been on the front porch all year). Dad claims indifference toward Christmas decorations but I'd like to point out that he's the person who purchased the giant bells. One year he even got some of those light-up deer for the front yard, which have since broken.

So, bottom line, I like Christmas carols. The Little Drummer Boy came on in the car on the way home and I cried...

The Phantom Tollbooth

Suddenly, I was reminded of a movie I used to watch, as a kid, called the Phantom Tollbooth. I'm told it's also a book...anyway, fortunately for me, youtube exists so I could remember the many details of this movie I so loved. As I was viewing, I came across this most fantastic-ly applicable section regarding one of the "Demons of Ignorance," the "Terrible Trivium."



This is so so representative of my life as a PhD student that I followed up on the demons of ignorance. Here they are, according to wikipedia:

The Demons of Ignorance

* The Terrible Trivium, a humanoid demon whose face lacks features and who seduces passers-by with mindlessly easy but pointless tasks that take an incredibly long time to accomplish.
* The Demon of Insincerity, a rabbit/kangaroo like demon. Its only purpose is to mislead anything or anybody that comes nearby.
* The Gelatinous Giant, a giant hidden in the mountains of Ignorance.Shaped like a large mountain. Extremely cowardly and especially afraid of ideas.
* The Triple Demons of Compromise, a demonic team of three negotiators; one is short and fat, one is tall and thin, and the third looks "exactly like the other two". They can never truly go anywhere because, rather than reach agreements, they constantly compromise.
* The Horrible Hopping Hindsight, a demon which has its eyes on its rear end. It never sees where it is going, only where it has been, and always thinks that each movement could have been better.
* The Everpresent Wordsnatcher, a monstrous filthy bird who deliberately misinterprets whatever a person says. He has ambitions of being a demon, but is said to be only a nuisance, and is suggested to have previously met the Humbug.
* The Senses Taker, a demon who distracts passers-by by supplying them with illusions of things they would rather be perceiving. His name may be a play on "census taker".
* The Overbearing Know-it-All, a spherical demon with spindly legs. He constantly talks, offering his own incorrect opinions to anyone nearby, and all are in danger of being crushed under him. He is often accompanied by the Gross Exaggeration.
* The Gross Exaggeration, an especially ugly demon, "whose rows of wicked teeth were made only to mangle the truth". A frequent companion of the Know-It-All.
* The Threadbare Excuse, a humanoid demon that clings to anyone who will give him a ride. He is always heard murmuring weak reasons for not doing things, and also has a vice-like grip on anyone who holds him.
* The Gorgons of Hate and Malice, two disgusting slug-like demons that leave oozing trails behind them.
* The ugly Dilemma, a horned demon whose name implies his purpose. He is said to blow clouds of steam from his nostrils.

I need to get this book...I find it sympathetic to my life so far.

To cheer me up!

I told my facebook friends to help me with music that would cheer me up/keep me awake while I write. I got a lot of good recommendations but this video is the best thing that's ever happened to me:


Tilly & the Wall on SESAME STREET from Team Love on Vimeo.

I love it with my whole heart. It turns out that this band (Tilly and the Wall) actually always does music that has, as the only percussion, the tapdancing.



So, I love that. Also, I want to wear big poofy skirts with crazy-colored tights and tap shoes. If I could do that, I can't imagine ever having any unhappiness in my life.

Bail-out schmail-out

My poor husband has had to deal with a very grumpy version of my normally sunshine-y self for the past few days. Probably it's brain chemistry but the object of my anger has been the economic bail-out and surrounding hubbub. So, I'm going to share with you the opinion I've developed. If you don't feel like reading to the bottom, here's the synopsis: I hate the bail-out, I dislike Nancy Pulosi, and I feel consternation towards my beloved Barack Obama. Also, I dis-like being blamed (as a democrat) for things that everybody first hated and then reluctantly voted for. Finally, I think Paulson is a crook.

Now, here's my rant. I am responding to a question about why the "democrats want to bail out GM" and an assertion that, if you want to know, you should ask John Lewis.

First of all, this is the same $700 billion that we're talking about, the $700 billion that everyone agreed should be used to "save the economy". And, for the record, John Lewis voted against the bail-out initially, before everyone got bullied into it with the whole "financial armagedon" argument. There was no real plan for the $700 bilion. It was just a number pulled out of a hat. So now it's up for grabs. It was $700 billion that never existed but now it's a giant number that can be used to bail out whomever.

Clearly, this is a situation like the weapons of mass destruction, wherein we realize we've had our chain yanked and then we can't figure out how to get out of it. I'm not sure that it's a great idea to have a banker (i.e., Paulson) in charge of deciding that some infinite amount of money should be allocated exclusively to bailing out banks. I also think that if we have a giant pile of money available to bail people out, particularly people who have behaved quite badly (i.e., subprime lenders and leveragers), why not preserve the jobs of hardworking wage earners. I mean, bailing out GM seems dumb but, seriously? The leveraging and the subprime mortgages is, you know, unethical, as opposed to just bad management.

So, then, my friend said: Good point, Sara. [that's my favorite part]

Not in favor of the $$ going to AIG either, but I guess I just assumed that if the people in the know say it was necessary to prevent the financial collapse of our entire economic system, I believed they knew better than I. Now I'm hearing things like the artificial propping up will, in the long run, make things worse. I don't want half a million hard working folks to lose their jobs, but I wonder what happens if there's no bailout? Will someone buy those factories? Does another automaker move into that gap in the market and potentially make use of that workforce? Where do the people who are owed pensions fall in line when GM's debtors line up during bankruptcy?

I think that these are all excellent points that my friend made and Kevin made similar ones last night when I was screaming at him in the car. He was sort of whispering...I wonder if I should apologize... Anyway, another thing that Kevin said is that he doesn't just want to give them more money to buy more steel so that they can make more Chevy Tahoes that nobody wants. And this is an excellent point. But my Barack Obama is in favor of the GM bailout! I suggested that maybe this is a good opportunity for him to start implementing one of his stated goals, which is to get American automakers in the green business. To create jobs while also putting more fuel-efficient vehicles on the road. When you give out money, you get to make all sorts of conditions, right? I hope?

Finally, I promised that I would discuss Nancy Pelosi. I find that I don't like her. I don't like agreeing with Republicans if I can help it but I do find her to be sort of combative and partisan and I find that when she talks, whatever she's talking about sounds like a bad idea. She has this sort of textbook "bleeding heart liberal" tone that really gets under my skin. Like she's constantly saying, "Has anybody considered the downy moth?" in the face of an argument about a labor dispute. I realize that, in this case, she's on the side of the workers but, somehow, I get that overly-liberal vibe. I get the feeling that she thinks that giant piles of money are the best solution to any problem and that this money is being withheld from her and her cause out of hatefulness and greed, rather than that money is a finite resource that needs to be parsed out with careful consideration. The problem that I've noticed is that now no one is considering money as a finite resource. Everyone is just making up giant numbers and saying that anyone who wants to withhold the money is trying to bring down catastrophe on all our heads. So, I find it hard to pick a side.

Pitch it in here, sir.

I was just explaining to Kevin that Obama thanked me in his victory speech, since I gave money and told my friends about how much I like him. Also, I blogged about him. Then the following opinion piece came on NPR (I copied the whole thing because, personally, I don't really click links in blogs).

Opinion
Get Our Help While You Can, Obama

by Paula Poundstone
(from http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=96890409)

Morning Edition, November 12, 2008 · People still seem full of hope after the historic election of Barack Obama. This is America, though, it can't last. Pleased and proud as we are, Obama hasn't been on American Idol, so we're bound to lose interest soon.

That's why President-elect Obama needs to waste no time in harnessing this feeling and ask something of us. We'll spend. We'll save. We'll do laps. We'll wear sweaters.

My parents are a part of the "Greatest Generation." They pulled our nation through the Depression and World War II, and when they heard the call, they collected rubber.

My generation rode out the Beanie Baby crash, ran up both credit card debt and the nation's weight, and brought us reality TV and the SUV, but it's not all we can do. We've grown up collecting box tops and shoes. We've earned free doughnuts by getting our cards punched with every dozen purchased. We're the "a-thon" generation. We've jogged, walked and pedaled thousands of miles because someone said it would cure cancer.

It's our turn now. Just ask us. We've adopted freeways and been up all night with night feedings. We'll bring an unwrapped gift. We'll bring canned goods. We'll collect flip-tops. Yes, we will.

What do you need us to do, President-elect Obama? We could form a bucket brigade to bail out the banks. We could collect Band-Aids, not the useless little ones, for the health care system. We could take shifts forming human pyramids to hold up our crumbling bridges.

The entire country could hold a progressive dinner party to feed the homeless. We could all commit to wearing the same clothes two days in a row to save water, energy and time. I'll go three, because I care more than the others. We can carry road-mending materials in our cars and fill pot holes during traffic jams. We can put a wishing well on Wall Street.

Our leadership has told us that we have a long, hard climb before us, which I would welcome, because I love the outdoors, and I could use the weight loss, but I have a bad feeling it has nothing to do with climbing.

I'm waiting. I'm punching my glove. It's oiled and ready. Pitch it in here, sir.

Commentator and comedian Paula Poundstone is a regular on NPR's game show Wait Wait Don't ... Tell Me!

A little comic relief...

I hadn't heard of these people before but these songs are quite funny.

I [heart] my future president

I think that Reagan and Bush supporters have felt this way before. Clinton did some things that I approved of, politically speaking, but, personally, I just would like to say, "Ick ick ick." So, really this is a new feeling for me. I love this man. I watch his face when he speaks and remember fondly the little way that he flinches when he gets hit by a raindrop or the way he held back tears talking about his grandmother or the way he smiled when the crowd started chanting, "Yes we can!" I love him and now I'm so concerned for his safety. I can imagine now, for the first time, why people threw themselves down and sobbed when JFK was assassinated. He holds all my hopes and dreams, sure, but also, I think I have grown to actually love him. Is that possible?

Tonight is your answer

I'm without words of my own so I'm using a quote from last night's speech:

It's the answer that led those who've been told for so long by so many to by cynical and fearful and doubtful about what we can achieve to put their hands on the arc of history and bend it once more toward the hope of a better day. It's been a long time coming, but tonight, because of what we did on this day, in this election, at this defining moment, change has come to America.

I am at once so grateful and hopeful and fearful and amazed by these events. The clips from people who voted for the first time in their lives and civil rights leaders who never thought they'd see the day have left me stunned. Maybe tomorrow I'll be exuberant but today I'm just stunned.

Happy Halloween/Birthday

Here are a few of my favorite things: costumes, presents, puppet shows, friends and family, getting lots of attention, steaks with bleu cheese, legos, memory foam, bookstore gift cards, Flight of the Conchords, ice cream, craft projects, nice fall weather, days off...

It is for these reasons, and many others, that my birthday weekend, so far, has been an absolute dream. On Friday, I worked from home and completed two thesis chapters without having to interact with a very grumpy advisor. Then, at 4:30, my husband came home early and my dad arrived from Tennessee. We walked to dinner in shirt sleeves with the sun warming us on the way and then we came home and drove to the puppet show (see above link). The show was fun, I saw a friend there, and we all returned home and went to sleep, after polishing off what the kids had left of the halloween candy (which we had left out on the steps). The next day, we all got up and drank coffee. Then Dad and I constructed an Ebenezer/bell banner for his church service on Sunday while Kevin grilled steaks, which he served with bleu cheese, sauteed mushrooms, and caramelized onions. Also asparagus and spaghetti squash. Then, caramel praline crunch ice cream and presents. My camera is lost so I don't have pictures of mine but I got the lego dwarves' mine. yay! Also, the first season of Flight of the Conchords, the CD of the Flight of the Conchords songs, a memory foam pillow, and a Barnes and Noble gift card. Also, a pillow with stitching on it that my mom had started and my sister finished. Good times. Very good times. Then, today, I get an extra hour! It's still only 10:30 and I've been awake, finishing my dwarves' mine, for hours!

Goin' rogue

I love the part where they say, "She can have a dozen babies, she can lay a thousand eggs!" and show all her kids...

But what I like more is how Jon comments on the fact that she's not doing anything but talking but everyone's so mad because all she was supposed to do was show up and shut up and how this says sort of a lot about Sarah Palin. Again, she and I are not politically aligned but I think she has moxie and I like her.

So, I have something else to say and, since it's the same day, I'm just going to tack it on the end:

35.5 miles per gallon

Created by The Car Connection

The Candy Man

For some reason, I can't get this song out of my head:

Who can take a sunrise, sprinkle it with dew
Cover it with choc'late and a miracle or two
The Candy Man, oh the Candy Man can
The Candy Man can 'cause he mixes it with love and makes the world taste good

Who can take a rainbow, wrap it in a sigh
Soak it in the sun and make a groovy lemon pie
The Candy Man, the Candy Man can
The Candy Man can 'cause he mixes it with love and makes the world taste good

The Candy Man makes everything he bakes satisfying and delicious
Now you talk about your childhood wishes, you can even eat the dishes

Oh, who can take tomorrow, dip it in a dream
Separate the sorrow and collect up all the cream
The Candy Man, oh the Candy Man can
The Candy Man can 'cause he mixes it with love and makes the world taste good

The Candy Man makes everything he bakes satisfying and delicious
Talk about your childhood wishes, you can even eat the dishes

Yeah, yeah, yeah
Who can take tomorrow, dip it in a dream
Separate the sorrow and collect up all the cream
The Candy Man, the Candy Man can
The Candy Man can 'cause he mixes it with love and makes the world taste good
Yes, the Candy Man can 'cause he mixes it with love and makes the world taste good
a-Candy Man, a-Candy Man, a-Candy Man
Candy Man, a-Candy Man, a-Candy Man
Candy Man, a-Candy Man, a-Candy Man

I'm sort of concerned about my sanity because things at work are sort of going badly and all I can do is walk sort of happily around singing this ridiculous song to myself, occasionally breaking into actual audible whistling or humming. Now that I see the lyrics, I really like the song. Especially the final verse about "tomorrow." I think it's an amalgamation of my worry about the future and Halloweeen candy, manifesting itself in a strangely happy, if annoying, habit.

Colin Powell Endorses Barack Obama

I love this interview. Colin Powell is one of the greatest people alive, in my opinion. I absolutely love the way that he is able to talk about his previous positions and the things that he has said historically. I haven't always aligned with General Powell's politics but I have always respected him and his point of view.

Let me just make sure that those of you who haven't been following have heard the response of Rush Limbaugh, and then other people, to this endorsement:





I included this Larry King thing because that's where I heard Rush's soundbite and Tom Brokaw and Bob Schieffer are so charming, being pals and buddies. I have high hopes for our country. Very high hopes.

Crocheting question...

I have taught myself to crochet...which is fine, as long as you don't have any questions that aren't covered in the book... I have completed two of the 20 octagons I'm supposed to make for this afghan (let's not even talk about the squares). I like the colors and I'm having a reasonably good time. I've gotten so that I can follow the pattern and that's nice, but the central cluster is hard. Here's my question: Sometimes, I'm supposed to insert the hook into a space, instead of a stitch. My understanding is that the stitch is the 'V' part, the back of which is just a single piece of yarn. So, what's the space? Anybody?

Crap, I've just looked online to find that I've been picking up too much stitch. I have been picking up the entire V, instead of just one half...well, my octagons look like they're supposed to so...

The central clusters are really the problem. That link is a hexagon but my octagon is the same idea. The thing is, though, that for this hexagon, the person has started with a 6ch, which makes sense. Mine starts with a 5-stitch chain and is supposed to be an octagon. So, I'm having to make clusters in stitches, which is straightforward, but also 'spaces,' which confuses me...

Joe the plumber

Here are the things I'd like to say:

#1. If this man's not paying his taxes or planning on changing his vote, how did he think he should get so much time to talk to Sen. Obama. I want to talk to Sen. Obama for 6 minutes. Although, I guess I don't want to talk about his tax plan. Now I'm going to spend the day deciding what I'd say if I got 6 minutes with Obama...I think I might pass out or just giggle and tell him that I love him.

#2. My husband said that this "spread the wealth around" business is as bad as if Obama had said "screw the troops, this war is a bust." First, I pointed out to him that I am an Obama voter and I heard the entire conversation between Joe and Barack and I am not as turned off as if he had said "screw the troops, this war is a bust." Second, I asked him if the people who are so upset about the "spread the wealth around" quote listened to the entire conversation. Because he was responding to the idea of a flat tax. And he points out that, if we were to go to a flat tax, we would need to charge 40% sales tax. Is this what the opponents want? 40% sales tax? Even 25% would be too high.

#3. Joe says that Obama "tap-danced around the issue." What, do you think, would have been the straight answer that Joe was looking for? How could Obama have been straightforward enough for Joe? He brought up, and admitted, their fundamental disagreement, which is that Obama believes that "spread[ing] the wealth around" is "better for everybody." Joe and McCain think that Joe should be allowed to spread his wealth around himself. The way that Haliburton and big oil have been spreading the wealth around during the past eight years. Obama said something that is politically dangerous in answer to Joe's question. What did Joe want? He wanted Obama to lie down on the ground, do a couple of spasms, and die? Change his mind about his politics? Become a libertarian? Poof. and transform into Ron Paul?

Whooo! Turn it up!

That debate last night...I was going to only watch half and it started out the same as all the others and THEN [fanfare] things finally got ugly. http://www.cnn.com/2008/POLITICS/10/15/video.transcript/

OK, so the thing I wanted to know more about is this John Lewis business. I have high regard for John Lewis and, frankly, knowing what he said about the McCain/Palin rallies frightens me. However, according the the new york times article that I cited above,

"In response, the Obama campaign said in a statement, “Senator Obama does not believe that John McCain or his policy criticism is in any way comparable to George Wallace or his segregationist policies.” But the campaign added that Mr. Lewis was right to condemn some of the “hateful rhetoric” at Mr. McCain’s rallies."

So, I watched the "perception analyzer" results and I feel confident that things have not changed but a lot of people on TV thought that McCain really handed Obama his hat in this debate. I didn't think so. It was a good fight, though. Much more interesting than the first two.

Graduate school Barbie

I have nothing to say again so I'm going to (again) post one of the email forwards I received that I think is super funny:

GET GRADUATE SCHOOL BARBIE (TM)

Graduate School Barbie comes in two forms: Delusional Master's Barbie (tm) and Ph.D. Masochist Barbie (tm).

Every Graduate School Barbie comes with these fun filled features guaranteed to delight and entertain for hours: Grad School Barbie comes out of the box with a big grin on her face that turns into afrown after 2 weeks or after her first advisor meeting (whichever comes first). She also has adorable black circles under her delightfully bloodshot eyes.

Comes with two outfits: a grubby pair of blue jeans and 5 year old gap T-shirt, and a floppy pair of gray sweatpants with a matching "Go S***w Yourself" T-shirt. Grad School Barbie talks! Just press the button on her left hand and hear her say such upbeat grad school phrases like, "Yes, Professor, It'll be done by tomorrow", "I'd love to rewrite" and finally: "Why didn't I just get a job, I could have been making $40,000 a year by now if I had just started working with a Bachelor's. I wish somebody would drop a bomb on the school so that I'd have an excuse to stop working on my degree that's sucking every last drop of life force out of my withered and degraded excuse for a soul..." (9V lithium batteries sold separately)

Grad School Barbie is anatomically correct to teach kids about the exciting changes that come with pursuing a higher education. Removable panels on Barbie's head and torso allow you to watch as her cerebellum fries to a crispy brown, her heart race 150 beats per minute, and her stomach lining gradually dissolve into nothing. Deluxe Barbie comes with specially designed eye ducts. Just add a little water, and watch
Grad School Barbie burst into tears at random intervals. Fun for the whole family!

Other accessories include:

Grad School Barbie's Fun Fridge (tm) Well stocked with microwave popcorn, Coca-Cola, Healthy Choice Bologna (99% fat free!),and several small bottle of Mattel Brand Rum (tm).

Grad School Barbie's Medicine Cabinet comes in Fabulous (pepto-bismal) pink and contains Barbie sized bottles of Advil, St. Johns Wort, Zantac, and your choice of three fun anti-anxiety drugs! (Barbie Medicine Cabinet not available without a prescription).

And Grad School Barbie is not alone! Order now and you'll get two of Barbie's great friends! GRADUATE ADVISOR KEN, Barbie's mentor and advisor in her quest for knowledge, higher education and decreased self esteem.

Grad Advisor Ken (tm) comes with a supply of red pens and a permanent frown. Press the button to hear Grad Advisor Ken deliver such wisdom to Barbie as "I need an update on your progress," "I don't think you're ready to defend yet", and "This is no where near ready for publication" and "what's your big rush.....!"

Buy 3 or more dolls, and you can have Barbie's Thesis Committee! (Palm Pilot and tenure sold separately.)

REAL JOB SKIPPER, When Barbie needs to talk, she knows that she can always count on her good friend Real Job Skipper (tm), who got a job after getting her bachelor degree. Press the button to hear Real Job Skipper say, "Sometimes I wish I went for my masters degree" and "Work is so hard! I had to work a half an hour of overtime!" Real Job Skipper's Work Wardrobe, Savings Account, Medical Plan, Reliable Car, Comfortable House, and Happy Life, sold separately.

WARNING: Do not place Grad Student Barbie and Real Job Skipper too close to each other, as there have been several cases of children leaving the room and coming back to find Barbie's hands mysteriously fused to Skipper's throat.

Conservative feminism again.

I keep thinking about Sarah Palin and conservative feminism. Also, about these "soccer moms" who love Sarah Palin and the fact that the other people keep talking about how dumb she is. My husband calls her "George Bush in a skirt" and I think that may be an apt comparison because he is also considered dumb by the popular culture. Yet, both people have made giant strides in terms of their personal success in this country. So, what does all of this imply?

Oh, I have one more thing in my little grab bag of topics that I haven't totally synthesized yet: Women's history and the lack of women in regular history (including the completely lost stories of women, not just "women's history" that includes Annie Oakley, Florence Nightengale, Susan B. Anthony, Betsy Ross, and Amelia Earhart).

Now, I started discussing beauty-queen-intellegence with my lab mate a minute ago and she referenced an Alabama beauty queen she knows who used her pageant proceeds to fund her engineering education. I think this is related to embracing the feminine while not dictating the behavior of women, one way or the other. Also, I am pro-choice because I believe that there are a lot of hard decisions and difficult connundrums that need to be considered in abortion legislation and that pregnancy is full of pitfalls and scary near-misses and border-line situations. That said, I love that part of Sarah Palin's speech that they keep putting on TV where she tells someone to let that baby keep crying. She loves that sound. I totally support the idea that babies and families and lifestyles that are conducive to babies and families are being neglected in this country at this time. I heard this guy on the radio talking about fundamentalist Christians and their values and I felt super pissed off that he thought that he and I are so different that I can't understand him. On the other hand, Bill Maher was on the Daily Show this, or last, week:



This man makes me want to become a conservative and support Sarah Palin... Maybe in a few days I'll decide what I want to say about all of these issues.

I'm going to try this for my defense.

I'm looking forward to giving a little wink to the surly members of my committee (wink, wink, pose).

Friday, sweaty friday

Blogs are a tricky issue. You can't talk about people who don't know you're talking about them, nor can you talk about people you don't like, at all. Also, you should probably keep from jinxing yourself on things by committing them to print. So, as a result, I find that I can not blog about one of the best and most tumultuous days I've ever had. It was this past Friday. Turns out that extremes in emotion make me sweat. That's the reason for the title of the blog. The high on Friday was 78 degrees. I was dressed appropriately. I ended the day needing to actually change my clothes before I could go to my celebratory dinner at the neighborhood pub. Gross, right? Emotional sweating. Not a cool characteristic. It's good that I'm not a spy or a professional poker player.

OK, so, here's what I will say about Friday. I want to reference Chocolat and that wind that makes the lady move around. I feel that this week was just like that. At some point between last week and this week, I decided to relax and just let things happen. Suddenly, the wind began to blow, temperatures dropped, my sister got her power knocked out by a wind storm, etc. Then, on Friday, I was given permission to [omitted in order to avoid tempting the fates]. Rhymes with bledule my blefense. Also, there is a toxic relationship, which developed this past semester between myself and an unnamed individual. A horrible confrontation occurred (details to anyone who contacts me in a non-public setting), the end result of which was the end of the relationship (joyful, joyful).

In addition to these two issues, I had been working on a small experiment for a second-author paper, which had stalled. There is one person who could have helped me figure out the problem. She doesn't work at GT, but, due to my window of unbelievable fortune, she showed up in my office, un-beckoned by me, and fixed my problem. Let's see...there was something else. OH! I don't mean to make you all think I'm crazy, but, on the way home, I got stuck behind a tow truck which had, printed on it's rear windshield, "God makes all things possible." I got all choked up before I reminded myself about how hard I have worked for all of these things...still. I like to indulge in a little beliefe in the other-worldly influence every now and then.

(I just noticed, on the TV, that, after the debate last week, about 50% of people think that Sarah Palin is qualified to be president. People are constantly surprising me.)

Lemme hear ya say "Hell yeah!"

My husband sent me a link to some recent polling data. It's too bad, for the republicans, that square footage doesn't play any role in elections. Now I'm just crossing my fingers and hoping that Palin says something dumber than whatever Biden says in the vice-presidential debates. They're a couple of ticking timebombs, really!

Absence due to PackRat

I've just encountered the most addictive (for me) game on the internet. I was luring my friends to play with me but, now, I'm afraid that it's a mean thing to do. Because I can't stop playing! It's PackRat. It's part of facebook. I love it. I guess when I love things, I frequently obsess about them, but this is getting out of hand. I play at night, on weekends, all the time. I dream about it.
Let me explain: The game involves trading cards and "stealing" cards from your friends. Here's what the cards look like. You start out with a hand of cards and you try to make collections. The pictured cards are all in the "Sleep Tight" collection, as indicated by the icon in the bottom left corner. The bottom right corner is the value of the card so a high-value card can easily be swapped for a low value card but not vice versa. When you accumulate "credits," you can buy cards from "The Market." Like Barack Obama's and my approach to foreign relations, the best case scenario appears to be for everyone to team up and help each other. As far as I can see, cut-throat, every-player-for-herself PackRat hurts everyone (like my opinion on foreign relations).

So, you can only play with people who are your facebook friends. Consequently, since most of my friends don't play, I started asking the other players to be friends with me. This has turned out well in one instance. The friend who invited me and my one new friend help me get the collections that I need and I help them when I can (infrequently because, the longer you play, the easier the game gets for you, for several reasons). Also, I help the new friends I've lured on, in an attempt to encourage them to play, which helps me. In two instances, my random PackRat friends have turned out to be busts. One girl didn't know how to be courteous, I suspect. The other is a raving lunatic. Now, I didn't realize, at first, that you only screw yourself by being discourteous because, then, the things you are trying to collect get stolen and you have to keep them locked up tight, difficult for a newbie. So, I behaved badly and stole things from the lunatic. When my kindly friends explained to me how to play, I went back and apologized to the lunatic player. She snapped at me in return, lying, and telling me that that was the last card she needed to complete her collection. Also, she broke one of my locks (believe me, this isn't nice). Well, you can see the "vaults" of your friends, so I knew that she was lying about the card I had taken being the last one she needed and I found her a card that she needed, even though I couldn't find the one I had stolen. So, days pass and she seems okay. Until, at some point last night, the crazy lady decided that I was taking cards from one of her collections without asking. (By the way, I wasn't!) So she broke three of my locks and stole one of the cards that's really hard to make! Crazy! I de-friended her. It turns out that randomly picking packrat friends is not ideal.

Long story short, I've been thinking about this nasty packrat player all day. As soon as I de-friended her, I couldn't leave her any messages. So, I'm regretting that I didn't explain before I left that I hadn't taken any of her f-ing cards. Also, by the time she vandalized me, I had gotten a connection, via one of my other friends, to replace the card I had stolen. Maybe this doesn't makes sense, because I'm so comfortable with the lingo that I haven't explained things but the moral is that I have become totally overcome with this game, to the point that it is the primary drama in my life. I have written no blog entries in almost two weeks and now the only thing I can talk about is the lunatic packrat player. I walked to the bathroom (a long walk in my building) going over and over in my head what I should have said, before defriending the packrat player, and how that really would have shown her that she had made a mistake in treating me so badly. Crazy. I am totally crazy.

Depression as Mere Sadness

This article on depression was in the new york times today. The guy, in the end, decides that it is better to play it safe and assume that people are actually telling the truth and feeling overwhelmed with their sadness, than it is to try the "buck up little camper" approach to psychiatric treatment. I think that this is a very kind position to take. I feel that i have been in both situations, those in which I needed to just get out and get some more exercise and try a little positive thinking, and those, like now, when I'm feeling totally powerless and victimized in my job, in which I need some professional supervision to be sure that I don't veer into the dark beyond. I have never been to the dark beyond. I can only imagine that the severe depression that I have sensed, lurking at the edge of my psyche, must be nothing short of hell. I have heard people say that they have shock therapy to end depression because, even though it's excrutiating, and only works for a short time, these people would do anything to lift the veil of their depression. I have no reason not to believe these people.

I don't know why there is so much "suck-it-up" sentiment going around all the time. People seem to be very un-sympathetic these days. Why do they even care so much? There are people with very strong opinions about how depressed people just need to direct their feet to the sunny side of the street. I guess I'm somewhat un-sympathetic to people who constantly miss work and have a zillion excuses. I think that it's because I hate having to show up on time and do things and I don't think anyone else should get out of it, if I have to do it. So, maybe that's it. Maybe, when times are tough, people get angry. They are having to suck it up so they don't see why they should make allowances for other people. But why are they so hard on the depressed? The depressed are not asking for anything from the critical people. And why would the critical people think that someone would choose depression? I have a friend who had a wife with severe morning sickness. In the third month of this poor woman throwing up every second, at the drop of a hat, the friend told me that they had not believed pregnant women before. The friend wanted to stress to me that morning sickness was very serious and that I should believe him on that. I was not surprised. I believed that it was terrible before. I had been told that it involved a lot of vomiting. And I've vomited before and it sucks. And no one would do it voluntarily, without some sort of psychosis. Do you know what's worse than vomiting? The feeling you have when you know you're going to vomit. And when that lasts a long time and you don't actually throw up but you don't feel like you can go anywhere far from the toilet because you can't tell... You know what can be worse than that? Never-ending depression. People need to stop being dickheads and just believe that it's real. What damage is done if they believe it and they're wrong as opposed to the damage that's done when they deny people's pain?

You, sir, are totally wrong!

I got sent an article (Schwartz. 2008. Journal of Cell Science. doi:10.1242/jcs.033340) which genuinely addresses how I feel, but only at the very beginning when the author is quoting someone else:

I recently saw an old friend for the first time in many years. We had been Ph.D. students at the same time, both studying science, although in different areas. She later dropped out of graduate school, went to Harvard Law School and is now a senior lawyer for a major environmental organization. At some point, the conversation turned to why she had left graduate school. To my utter astonishment, she said it was because it made her feel stupid. After a couple of years of feeling stupid every day, she was ready to do something else.

As soon as the author starts talking, he starts getting it all wrong. Here's his thesis:

I’d like to suggest that our Ph.D. programs often do students a disservice in two ways. First, I don’t think students are made to understand how hard it is to do research. And how very, very hard it is to do important research. It’s a lot harder than taking even very demanding courses. What makes it difficult is that research is
immersion in the unknown. We just don’t know what we’re doing. We can’t be sure whether we’re asking the right question or doing the right experiment until we get the answer or the result. Admittedly, science is made harder by competition for grants and space in top journals. But apart from all of that, doing significant research is intrinsically hard and changing departmental, institutional or national policies will not succeed in lessening its intrinsic difficulty.

And here's what I'd like to say: I think that my PhD program has not only given me a very clear idea of how hard it is to do research, I think that my PhD program has given me a very clear idea of how hard it is to maintain one's sense of worth while being constantly surrounded by people who think they are more valuable and worthwhile than you are simply because they have earned a PhD, or a faculty position, or a nobel prize or whatever. I think that my PhD program has also given me a clear idea of how hard it is to work inside of a hierarchical profession, dominated at the top by men, which inherently refuses to recognize new ideas while they are still new. Also, a profession which maintains its own sanctity and value to the point that anyone who seeks to criticize the system (e.g., the smart woman that is the subject of this man's essay) is labelled as one of the outside intruders who never understood or cared enough about its basic tenets. Let's all recall the Harvard incident. To me, this is the perfect example, not just of sexism in science but of non-science-ism. Scientists who have been successful seem to absolutely refuse to admit that anything could ever be wrong with the great institution of science. It's got to be the fault of the person rejecting science. There is no other option. Science is sacred, science is holy, science is exactly as it was intended to be by its maker, hold on, I mean by the big bang...or evolution...or whatever...

Registering a complaint

I would like to contest the notion that this is the way that any period in anyone's life should look. For the past, oh, 7-8 months, maybe longer, I have spent approximately 1-2 days per week bolstering myself from a collapse. So, about 1-2 days per week for the past 7-8 months I become so discouraged and disempowered that I either sit at my desk and cry or go into the stairwell near my office to sit on a step and convince myself that it's not a good idea to walk away without this God forsaken degree under my belt. I know that, if I were to have walked away, at any of these points, I would have always thought that I was very close and shouldn't have walked away. The problem is that, at any of these points, had I known how far away I actually was, I may have made a different decision. I am not almost finished. I just have a carrot stuck out on a stick in front of my face.

So, the reason for launching into this thesis/theorem is that, when I sort of point this out to other academics I get some version of the following: "That's just how it is. I remember when I was finishing my thesis, my boss took a 1-year sabbatical and I just had to sit and wait for him to come back." or, "That's how it is. My boss gave me and my coworker the same project and then, when she complained that I was about to publish the same work that she had done, he told me to drop it and do something else, when I was ready to publish and she was just getting started." or, "That's how it is. My finger tips turned blue and I couldn't stop shaking for the last three months of my PhD."

Here's my assertion: This is not okay. People should not have their spirits broken/dreams trampled/lives dismantled in order to prove their desire to be an academic. This rite of passage is absurd, whether it happens to everyone or not. What if I were to die tomorrow? I would have nothing to show for all this hard work and my achievements would get me nothing at the pearly gates. I have improved no one's life, as far as I can tell. I have saved no babies, I have soothed no wounds, I have done squat but knock myself out for someone who has placed me firmly at the bottom of his priority list. So, what? Nothing. No one cares. I can't even think of a conclusion for my rant. Life's not fair. Suck it up. Fish or cut bait. If I don't like it, I can leave, that sort of thing. It's the best I can come up with. Hopefully I'm wrong about that pearly gates business and there is someone around me somewhere who has benefitted from my sunny disposition. Do you know what else I've noticed, in terms of my contribution to the planet? I park badly. I'm one of the people who doesn't seem able to position her car between a pair of white lines. I look around myself in the parking deck and everyone seems to be better at this than I am. I think I may also be a somewhat distracted driver. Great. I'm part of the problem. That's not what I wanted for my life.

Tiny piece of the "liberal blogosphere"

With my little patch of blogosphere, I just have one thing to say again: I don't think Sarah Palin is all that bad. Maybe it's because I'm not on the fence but I don't care about her missteps. I don't care that she dodged a question about the Bush doctrine and I don't think that her nomination is a farce or an insult to the country. I think she's a good vice-presidential running mate for John McCain. I think she was a strategic wild card pick but I think it was smart and I think they filled in a gap in John McCain's image. I strongly, strongly disagree with her politics. This is how I know she's good for the republicans. Also, I love Barack Obama and I don't care very much who's running against him. Also, I'm really glad to have someone whose wide open platforms I am free to strongly disagree with. NO, don't go to war with Russia! NO, don't drill in ANWR! NO, I do not support your boot-strap health care philosophy! NO, NO, NO! But, I've said it before, and I'll say it again: I feel so much better having someone I can actually understand. I can sort of see why a person who is wrong about political matters might like the McCain/Palin ticket. I have no idea why so many people continue to support GWB and it scares me and makes me feel threatened.

I was super frustrated yesterday morning because there was this awful circular debate about the Iraq war with the guy who wrote some book...hold on...Oh, man, I knew I recognized that guy! It was fucking Newt Gingrich! So, he's talking to Matt Lauer, of all people, about the Iraq war. And Matt Lauer points out something about how Sarah Palin strongly implied that her son is going to fight the people who made the September 11th attacks even though that's not true. And Newt Gingrich was like, "Well you're talking about the 2002 world. We're talking about the world as it is now. Al Qaeda is in Iraq now." I mean, I drooled coffee onto my shirt, my jaw dropped so dramatically. I'm not sure I'm eloquent enough to point out how this very argument illustrates how I've felt for the last eight or so years but here goes: The conservatives are now spitting and spoofing at the liberals for not understanding how NOW Al Qaeda is in Iraq, unlike in 2002. THIS, my friends, is EXACTLY what we understand! Your boy took a place which, maybe wasn't Disneyland, but wasn't filled with the people who had just attacked the USA, and he turned it into a safe place for Al Qaeda. George Bush gained ground for the people who launched the September 11th attacks! You're telling ME this? You're telling me? Seriously? You're the one who still supports this bozo! And then, (hold on, I need to breathe...inhale, exhale) And THEN I was listening to some stupid conservative radio morning show DJs talking about how liberals are always asking them what they see in Sarah Palin. And they're like, "You look up her voting record. I'm satisfied. I don't need to see what she's done." Hold on, I'm not the one voting for this lady! You...I mean I...I mean YOU...I am not asking because I want to know. I'm asking because I want to see that you know. And you don't! And they're like, "You big city boys ain't gonna trick me! I'm not doin' the dirty werk for ya! Yew look up what she stands for. I am votin' republican!" Oh, for crying out loud! Like it's somehow un-republican to discuss issues. And that is exactly what the party has become for me. They are people who refuse to discuss things. They want to scream insults at me and tell me I'm unpatriotic and immoral and that I don't understand and they don't want to speak in words that have meaning. I'm an educated person who has been paying attention and I don't think that the economy seems to be responding well to the Bush strategy. If you have something to say that explains this, help me out. They don't want to hear my side of the story. They just want to roll their eyes and talk about the biased liberal media. And they're winning! There are tons of them everywhere and they're winning!

So, as I said, I watched the RNC and I heard the positions of McCain and Palin and, for the first time in a hundred years, it wasn't so much smoke and mirrors. There weren't people standing there telling me what I already knew and pretending it wasn't horrific and ridiculous. There were people standing there saying things that seem like things that reasonable people might say. Things that I disagree with, but things that turned into words which formed images in my mind that I could understand. Thank you. Thank you for stopping the onslaught of the crazy fireworks sleight of hand puppet show that has been the Bush administration. I appreciate an opponent that I can see with my eyes, hear with my ears, and understand.

4am and all's we-ell

I'm sitting in my living room thinking about how it's a reasonable time for Emily to be awake and that she's probably at work being productive. I, on the other hand, am angry about my terrible lack of restraint regarding the espresso machine that my boss recently installed in my office. I've decided, therefore, that I might be more productive at work tomorrow if I blog now. I'm going to blog about the things that are running 'round and 'round in my mind:

(1) I never did like that Terri character on Project Runway and she was especially appalling this episode and I'm glad she's gone, even though her designs were often good, that drag queen outfit for example. On the other hand, I enjoyed silly little Blayne and I feel sad about his feeling slapped in the face. On yet another hand, Blayne's avant garde project was terrible. Terrible.

(2) Keith talks like a victim and annoys me so I don't feel sorry for him. I just dislike Terri over all. If I had gotten teamed up with Keith, I might not have wanted to work with him either. So whiney and demanding. Also, I find him sexist.

(3)...if you want me to, I could hang 'round with you if I only knew, that's what you're into...




(4) The points I intend to cover in my discussion section are as follows......hold on, if I rearrange the section about clone libraries, I can add a section about community analysis...wait, the discussion is already too long...maybe I'll take out the clone libraries all together...etc.

(5) I think maybe I should work outside of the office so that the new students will be forced to make appointments with me, rather than popping into my office at random moments and asking questions. On the other hand, it's nice to have the things I need on hand when I need them. On the other hand, being away from that blasted coffee machine couldn't hurt. Also I wouldn't be distracted by/constantly distracting my office mates. But, tomorrow, I have lab work to do so I have to go in tomorrow...then, Friday, I was going to go to the vortex for lunch. Maybe I could meet everyone there. Wait, did I say next Friday? I think I'm going out of town...

So, i think that this is standard insomnia crap. Song stuck in head, work concerns, over-thinking the last TV show I watched. Often, when I can't sleep, I also think about current events so it's nice to not have any of those lodged in the rotation. Although, now that I've reminded myself, I may rotate in some Sarah Palin material.

I'm going to go back and see if I can grab a couple hours before the alarm goes off...

For the sake of continuity...

I don't know if anyone would miss my blog if it were gone but, just in case, I'm trying to keep it going even though, today, I have very little to say. I am hating politics now because it's gone to the bad place, as we all knew it would. Things are vague again and difficult to understand and people are saying things that I can't figure out. I liked the days of the convention when people were being nice to each other and saying really exciting and hopeful things about the future of our country. Now people are cynical again. Also, I watched the RNC to sort of make sure I knew what was going on on that side and now I'm angry at my liberal friends who made no effort to find out what John McCain said. Especially when they're sort of going on and on about how whatever he is. Oh, right, what the democrats said, how just like GWB he is. Also, the internet gossip issues are pissing me off. I want to take people at their word and then just, everybody decide, based on the issues. But, I guess if I'd done that in the last couple of elections, I would have wanted to support the troops and be a good American without noticing that there was a puppet show going on to distract me from the fact that the government was being systematically handed over to extremely wealthy business owners. Damned oligarchy.

This is reminding me of the time my lesbian friend was going to protest Dr. Laura's show coming to the Baltimore radio station nearby. I asked her why she didn't like Dr. Laura and she said that it was because "She thinks I'm going to hell!" I pointed out to my friend that Dr. Laura is jewish and doesn't believe in hell, per se. I also pointed out that, if someone asked later, she should say that Dr. Laura doesn't think she, a lesbian, is a fit parent. The friend said that she didn't care about that because she didn't want children. Then she continued to the protest. I think I'm probably just as guilty of having half-information about issues as the next person but I wish we could all discuss things together. I wish we could stop knee-jerk hating one another. I also wish that I could understand other people better. I wish I didn't feel so angry when people oppose me. My husband says I'm not allowed to keep up with politics anymore because it makes me angry and shouty and interrupt-y. So, there you go. I'm both sides of this coin. I think I shouted at him and interrupted when he was explaining that he didn't see McCain's speech but that...I don't know what he was going to say next...

The difference between a hockey mom and a pitbull--lipstick

So, having listened to the speech today, I feel that I was right about Palin's version of feminism. I really think she's making the Republican ticket harder to beat. Small town people are going to love this lady. Hell, I like her and I really really hate her politics.

the Bechdel Rule

I didn't know about this rule but I like it. I heard about it on npr last night. It says that one doesn't watch a TV show or movie unless it passes three criteria: (1) At least two female characters, who ... (2) talk to each other about. (3) something besides a man. The person giving the report recommended a show called the Middleman on ABC family. I'm going to start watching the Middleman. I think that the Gilmore Girls passes the Bechdel Rule. What about the Geddans rule which requires: (1) At least two nonwhite characters in the main cast ... (2) in a show that's not about race. Yes, right? Lane Kim and Michel?

So, next the commentator/blogger asks us for our own rule and one person said they would like to see a gay character who: (1) doesn't die and (2) wasn't molested as a child. I would say that I would like to see show which takes place in the south and: (1) sometimes includes winter and (2) isn't about racism...(3) or the Civil War.

Death to the family

I'm investigating conservative feminism because this is the label associated with Sarah Palin. Initially, when someone said something like, "What do you think of McCain's pick? A conservative feminist, should be interesting." My initial reaction was, "Conservative feminist? WTF is that?" Days passed and I started to do my global learner skimming of what is said about Sarah Palin. I'm getting an image in my mind now of what I think a conservative feminst must be, based on the description of the Alaskan maverick vice-presidential candidate with five children, the youngest of whom has Down's Syndrome. The conservative feminist, I have gathered, is one of these wild west-type women with a big gun. I have to say that I like this idea.

I read a Louis L'amour short story about a woman who had lost her husband and was living alone in "Indian territory" with her five children. The male protagonist sort of happens upon her and narrowly avoids being shot. Another woman like this is the love interest of Dustfinger in the book Inkspell. I know, from my Halloween costume fiasco, that this reference will be lost on everyone but the idea is the same. Woman living alone because of the death of her husband, left to care for her children the best she can. Makes a living by the sweat of her brow and defends her children tooth and nail. All the men in the village call her derogatory things like, "firecracker" and "a real pistol" but it doesn't matter. She is what she is. I'm loving this new idea and so I started to look up "conservative feminism." Here's the sort of thing I found:

Conservative feminism criticizes the feminism which "adopts a male model of careerism and public achievement as female goals, thereby denying women's need for intimacy, family, and children." They fear that "equality means death to the family." They often reject the popular feminist epigram, "the personal is political."

What!?! This woman has been nominated as a candidate for vice president of the United States. Talk about the "male model of careerism and public achievement," that can't be right. So, then I found Margaret Hoover's description:

I am a Conservative Feminist. This is a woman who will allow a man to take her to dinner, but will also at times, pick up the check. She knows she can open the door for herself, pay the dinner bill, put on her coat, order for herself, but remains unoffended by acts of chivalry on behalf of men. In fact, she encourages them as signs of respect– and who knows, someday she might actually need help with the door. Fortunately, she wont have been hardened by a lifetime of being too proud to accept the assistance.

Pfft! Are we seriously defining ourselves by how we behave on dates? I don't care how Ms. Hoover behaves on dates. How did she make it big in television and political talk culture? This may be what defines her feminism more than her preference for soup or salad. I guess that what we're talking about here is feminism that embraces femininity. And I guess that this is what Sarah Palin has done, in my brief experience. She was a beauty queen but then she became mayor of a tiny town and then governor of, square-foot-wise, the largest state in the country. I guess I'm having trouble seeing how that needs to be different from regular feminism...until it comes down to politics. Clearly these women are pro-life, but what else? Here's something from a website called "Rightgrrl!"

...spunky, calloused, informed, bold, and principled. A quick study of Palin news clips shows that she’s your typical conservative - more green than the Left would have you believe, pro-life even when tested, able to fire a gun, eager to drill domestically (especially in ANWR), tax shy, and pro military.

So, I think that these women are against the victimization mentality that some people associate with traditional feminism. (And, my experience with many Georgia Tech women is consistent with this particular theory.) I'm down with that. I'm totally into the tough debutant image. Love it, in fact. It's not me but it's fantastic. So, I guess that, in this case, the idea is that this woman is a feminist because she is. And that she's a conservative because she's free to think whatever way she wants. More power to her. We disagree and that's fine. I won't vote for her (or McCain) because I think there is too much at stake in association with our disagreements. But, at the same time, I'm going to argue with those who say that "conservative feminist" is an oxymoron, even though it was my initial knee-jerk reaction. What are we fighting for if it's not the right to move freely through life without the restrictions of our gender? If this woman wants to be wrong about politics, more power to her. I actually really like her, at this point. I'm not voting for her, but I like her. Bravo, John McCain. Way to make this an election that will be historic one way or the other. Also, maverick you and maverick Sarah Palin absolutely will shake up the right, even as you are forced to cow tow to your party. And that will be terrific. Hopefully you won't win, but, even if you do, let's kick the old tired politics in the ass. The media is against us but we can do it. We can talk about issues and brave ahead. Let them call you pretty. You are pretty. Also, you'll kick their sorry shriveled pasty asses if they cross you. Love it. Totally into it. Let the games begin!

Eight is Enough

What can I say? What is there to say? As I mentioned to Emily, I am un-fit, at this point to interact with other humans because I can not believe that there is anyone on the opposite side of this election. I have hateful and terrible thoughts about them. Maybe watching some of the Republican convention is what I need to pull me, at least into tolerance. God, I love this man. I need a series of giant posters of Barack Obama's face. Here are just a couple of reminders of why I am so head-over-heels in love:

We may not agree on abortion, but surely we can agree on reducing the number of unwanted pregnancies in this country. The reality of gun ownership may be different for hunters in rural Ohio than for those plagued by gang-violence in Cleveland, but don't tell me we can't uphold the Second Amendment while keeping AK-47s out of the hands of criminals. I know there are differences on same-sex marriage, but surely we can agree that our gay and lesbian brothers and sisters deserve to visit the person they love in the hospital and to live lives free of discrimination. Passions fly on immigration, but I don't know anyone who benefits when a mother is separated from her infant child or an employer undercuts American wages by hiring illegal workers. This too is part of America's promise - the promise of a democracy where we can find the strength and grace to bridge divides and unite in common effort.

Right on. Amen. And, the ending, where he had the flowing, melodic cadence, my sweet God, I was totally enthralled and entranced.

America, we cannot turn back. Not with so much work to be done. Not with so many children to educate, and so many veterans to care for. Not with an economy to fix and cities to rebuild and farms to save. Not with so many families to protect and so many lives to mend. America, we cannot turn back. We cannot walk alone. At this moment, in this election, we must pledge once more to march into the future. Let us keep that promise - that American promise - and in the words of Scripture hold firmly, without wavering, to the hope that we confess.

Maybe this is what's so poignant to me because hope is exactly what I confess when I confess my faith. [this is where things get sappy] Maybe another blog for another day but the reason I continue to cling to my faith in Jesus and a just and loving God is because I believe in hope. And I, like so many other people, had begun to feel like hope was lost. God seems to me to have blessed this man. And watching him up on that stage on the 45th anniversary of the Civil Rights march on Washington felt so much like the culmination of God's blessing on this country. That's how it felt to me. So, I'll close this blog in a little different order than Barack arranged his magnificent speech and end with this:

When Washington doesn't work, all its promises seem empty. If your hopes have been dashed again and again, then it's best to stop hoping, and settle for what you already know.

I get it. I realize that I am not the likeliest candidate for this office. I don't fit the typical pedigree, and I haven't spent my career in the halls of Washington.

But I stand before you tonight because all across America something is stirring. What the nay-sayers don't understand is that this election has never been about me. It's been about you.

For eighteen long months, you have stood up, one by one, and said enough to the politics of the past. You understand that in this election, the greatest risk we can take is to try the same old politics with the same old players and expect a different result. You have shown what history teaches us - that at defining moments like this one, the change we need doesn't come from Washington. Change comes to Washington. Change happens because the American people demand it - because they rise up and insist on new ideas and new leadership, a new politics for a new time.

The Change We Need

I am so enthusiastic about what the Democrats are doing! President Bill Clinton and John Kerry and Joe Biden were totally terrific last night and I just can't wait to see Barack Obama tonight. I really have so much hope for this election and for the future of this country. I love the picture they've been painting of the middle class and our obligation to the environment. We are such a great party, these days. I just sat last night and watched each speech, one after the other, and I was brought to tears. I was shouting "Amen!" There just isn't an issue in my arsenal that they aren't addressing and I'm so pleased. The veteran who spoke last night, Tammy Duckworth, man alive, she had some wonderful things to say! I feel dramatically differently about these people than I did four years ago. I feel dramatically that they are right! That they will take this country in the direction it needs to go! I am glad to see the debate move away from the very important, but very contentious issues of the last election so that we can focus on things that everyone can get behind and that the government actually has (and should have) some power to control. Let's call moral issues what they are. I loved when Bill Clinton talked about how this nation's values have been degraded by Bush's policies:

I will never forget the parents of children with autism and other severe conditions who told me on the campaign trail that they couldn’t afford health care and couldn’t qualify their kids for Medicaid unless they quit work or got a divorce. Are these the family values the Republicans are so proud of? What about the military families pushed to the breaking point by unprecedented multiple deployments? What about the assault on science and the defense of torture? What about the war on unions and the unlimited favors for the well connected? What about Katrina and cronyism?

Oh, man! On the one hand, I'd love to have seen this sooner. On the other, hallelujah that it's finally come! I love it, I love it, I love it!

No way. No how. No McCain.

I just wanted to talk about Hillary's speech and how much I liked it. I watched it on the internet. She did an excellent job with a somewhat difficult situation and I am really feeling better about things. In case you missed them, I'm going to put in some highlights:

And on that path to freedom, Harriett Tubman had one piece of advice.
If you hear the dogs, keep going.
If you see the torches in the woods, keep going.
If they're shouting after you, keep going.
Don't ever stop. Keep going.
If you want a taste of freedom, keep going.
Even in the darkest of moments, ordinary Americans have found the faith to keep going.

I'm not a big patriot and I've noticed that in the darkest of moments, lots of people have found the faith to keep going but, the presidency is about patriotism so I think it's fine in this context. I also found this quote to be inspirational for me in my own life. Keep going. If this applies to the people who, in this nation's history, had some of the least amount of reason to hope, surely it applies to me. Now, another one. The transcript says:

To restore America's standing in the world, to end the war in Iraq, bring our troops home and honor their service by caring for our veterans.

I think she said "bring our troops home WITH honor and give our veterans the care they have EARNED." Which, I thought was very powerful. In fact, the difference between the transcript quote and what Hillary actually said are the very words that made this quote powerful, because these are the things that we want that the current administration isn't doing. They may bring home the troops but will they do it in a way that makes them honored and will they remember them down the road, when they are disabled veterans?

So, all-in-all, I feel a shaky optimism. I was very disappointed about recent polling results but I'm looking forward to seeing more delicious home runs like this one. Great work, Hillary! Really great.

Hey, see if you "get me."

http://www.youjustgetme.com/anaeromyxo

Just my manga

I just saw my friend's manga and wanted one, so, here it is. I think it looks pretty good, myself.

Snores-ville

I made this huge campaign a few months ago to tell my friends and family that I am very busy and exhausted and that they shouldn't necessarily expect me to attend events, when I clearly have so much going on, etc. I think it sank in because I just had the most boring weekend of my life since, you know, early high school, before I could drive. It was actually quite reminiscent of one of those weekends. Turning off the TV, draping oneself over the arm of the sofa, and proclaiming, "I'm bored!" as if there were people surrounding you whose job involves entertainment. I didn't get that far because my husband is in the midst of a fitness craze so I was constantly being dragged off of the sofa for runs and tiny meals. Stupid tiny meals. Being hungry makes boredom so much more dramatic (and vice versa). On Sunday, I finished a book and started a new one, practiced my oboe, finished all the laundry, cleaned the oven (oops, I think we left the oven shelves out on the back porch), went for a jog, re-read one of my manuscripts, went to the grocery store, prepared a few tiny meals, watched "Lars and the Real Girl" and "Smart People" and several episodes of the Gilmore Girls, and still had time on my hands to the point that I laid down for a nap and found I wasn't tired enough for a nap, having gotten plent of sleep the night before. So, I got up and tried to find something to do on the computer which, while occupying lots of my time at work, seemed totally un-interesting in the context of my living room. So, you may be wondering why I'm not working like a crazy person on my dissertation, yes, that sounds like something one may wonder. The reason is that I am currently not the rate-limiting step in this process. It's really quite a nice life, compared to my friends who have the enthusiastic and involved advisors. I'm just sort of taking it easy, waiting for my number to come up. Not so bad, actually.

Olympic events I have seen (with commentary)

I do not like to stay up late and I do not know what the schedule for the various olympic events is. Also, I've noticed that, on my little guide associated with my cable service, there are two channels with big green bands that say, "Summer Olympics." This gives me very little to go on. The result is that my olympic experience has been somewhat random, not unlike the rest of my life, some might point out.

So, the random olympic events I have enjoyed are as follows: swimming (400M IM), women's beach volleyball, women's archery, dressage, featherweight boxing, men's and women's team gymnastics, synchronized diving, men's whitewater canoing and men's basketball.

I'm going to remark on my most memorable events, starting with the most surreal. Dressage, according to Wikipedia, is "a path and destination of competitive horse training, with competitions held at all levels from amateur to the Olympics." When I turned on the dressage competition, I thought that the horse and rider were warming up, until I heard the cheers and applause and some scores came up on the screen. This sport has a rider that wears a very fancy outfit and involves a lot of what I might call, "prancing about." There's a fancy "arena" with letters and markings and the horse and rider sort of scoot around, in, when you watch more than one rider you realize, turn out to be very precise ways. According to Wikipedia,

"The standard dressage arena letters are A-K-V-E-S-H-C-M-R-B-P-F. (There is speculation as to why these letters were chosen. Most commonly it is believed because the German cavalry had a 20 x 60 meter area in between the barracks which had the letters posted above the doors). "

I find this sport to be very strange. I only believe that it's hard work because the fancily dressed riders were all out of breath at the end of each performance. Strange.

Next up, women's archery. Fascinating. Korea won. Apparently there wasn't a doubt in anyone's mind. The Chinese women behaved in a very relaxed and jovial way during the final round. The bows are enormous and they bring the string back against their mouths, which makes me imagine that I would be anal about keeping my string clean. The Korean women had very child-like accoutrements. Shoulder guards with pink panda bears, etc.

Finally, I would like to talk about the gymnastics floor exercises. I feel very unhappy about the people who step out of the boundary. This is judged as a heinous crime with a penalty that is all out of proportion with the difficulty of the rest of the performance and I disapprove. I guess, when things are so close to perfect, there has to be some way to separate people. Maybe it's time to add flames and carnivorous animals to this sport. Also, I would like to make a big fuss about how good Yang Wei is.

OK, now I've lost interest in my own post, so, surely that's a sign. I have work to do.

hahaha

The only thing funnier than my being frustrated because I'm 96% female is my husband's score. I told him that he could trust me, because he was reluctant to tell me, so I'm not posting it. Nor will I post the macy's website visit that did him in . Teeheehee. I feel so much better. He pointed out to me that ESPN.com, MLB.com, and the cage fighting website didn't make it into the calculation but that those websites would clearly signify his manhood. TEEheeheehee. He had the grudgereport and cnn on there, which gives him strong man points so you can only imagine how he was impacted by his own search for a gym bag . Clearly he should have left it up to me...also he looked at his new shoes online because he's in love with them. TEEheeheehee. Looking at shoes, even man shoes, makes you a woman. Any sort of shopping at all, apparently. Oh, geez, this makes me happy. Sorry, pumpkin, if you're reading this (and I suspect you aren't), you should just take pleasure in the fact that I'm happy. You want me to be happy, right? [gales of laughter ensue.]