Eight is Enough

What can I say? What is there to say? As I mentioned to Emily, I am un-fit, at this point to interact with other humans because I can not believe that there is anyone on the opposite side of this election. I have hateful and terrible thoughts about them. Maybe watching some of the Republican convention is what I need to pull me, at least into tolerance. God, I love this man. I need a series of giant posters of Barack Obama's face. Here are just a couple of reminders of why I am so head-over-heels in love:

We may not agree on abortion, but surely we can agree on reducing the number of unwanted pregnancies in this country. The reality of gun ownership may be different for hunters in rural Ohio than for those plagued by gang-violence in Cleveland, but don't tell me we can't uphold the Second Amendment while keeping AK-47s out of the hands of criminals. I know there are differences on same-sex marriage, but surely we can agree that our gay and lesbian brothers and sisters deserve to visit the person they love in the hospital and to live lives free of discrimination. Passions fly on immigration, but I don't know anyone who benefits when a mother is separated from her infant child or an employer undercuts American wages by hiring illegal workers. This too is part of America's promise - the promise of a democracy where we can find the strength and grace to bridge divides and unite in common effort.

Right on. Amen. And, the ending, where he had the flowing, melodic cadence, my sweet God, I was totally enthralled and entranced.

America, we cannot turn back. Not with so much work to be done. Not with so many children to educate, and so many veterans to care for. Not with an economy to fix and cities to rebuild and farms to save. Not with so many families to protect and so many lives to mend. America, we cannot turn back. We cannot walk alone. At this moment, in this election, we must pledge once more to march into the future. Let us keep that promise - that American promise - and in the words of Scripture hold firmly, without wavering, to the hope that we confess.

Maybe this is what's so poignant to me because hope is exactly what I confess when I confess my faith. [this is where things get sappy] Maybe another blog for another day but the reason I continue to cling to my faith in Jesus and a just and loving God is because I believe in hope. And I, like so many other people, had begun to feel like hope was lost. God seems to me to have blessed this man. And watching him up on that stage on the 45th anniversary of the Civil Rights march on Washington felt so much like the culmination of God's blessing on this country. That's how it felt to me. So, I'll close this blog in a little different order than Barack arranged his magnificent speech and end with this:

When Washington doesn't work, all its promises seem empty. If your hopes have been dashed again and again, then it's best to stop hoping, and settle for what you already know.

I get it. I realize that I am not the likeliest candidate for this office. I don't fit the typical pedigree, and I haven't spent my career in the halls of Washington.

But I stand before you tonight because all across America something is stirring. What the nay-sayers don't understand is that this election has never been about me. It's been about you.

For eighteen long months, you have stood up, one by one, and said enough to the politics of the past. You understand that in this election, the greatest risk we can take is to try the same old politics with the same old players and expect a different result. You have shown what history teaches us - that at defining moments like this one, the change we need doesn't come from Washington. Change comes to Washington. Change happens because the American people demand it - because they rise up and insist on new ideas and new leadership, a new politics for a new time.

The Change We Need

I am so enthusiastic about what the Democrats are doing! President Bill Clinton and John Kerry and Joe Biden were totally terrific last night and I just can't wait to see Barack Obama tonight. I really have so much hope for this election and for the future of this country. I love the picture they've been painting of the middle class and our obligation to the environment. We are such a great party, these days. I just sat last night and watched each speech, one after the other, and I was brought to tears. I was shouting "Amen!" There just isn't an issue in my arsenal that they aren't addressing and I'm so pleased. The veteran who spoke last night, Tammy Duckworth, man alive, she had some wonderful things to say! I feel dramatically differently about these people than I did four years ago. I feel dramatically that they are right! That they will take this country in the direction it needs to go! I am glad to see the debate move away from the very important, but very contentious issues of the last election so that we can focus on things that everyone can get behind and that the government actually has (and should have) some power to control. Let's call moral issues what they are. I loved when Bill Clinton talked about how this nation's values have been degraded by Bush's policies:

I will never forget the parents of children with autism and other severe conditions who told me on the campaign trail that they couldn’t afford health care and couldn’t qualify their kids for Medicaid unless they quit work or got a divorce. Are these the family values the Republicans are so proud of? What about the military families pushed to the breaking point by unprecedented multiple deployments? What about the assault on science and the defense of torture? What about the war on unions and the unlimited favors for the well connected? What about Katrina and cronyism?

Oh, man! On the one hand, I'd love to have seen this sooner. On the other, hallelujah that it's finally come! I love it, I love it, I love it!

No way. No how. No McCain.

I just wanted to talk about Hillary's speech and how much I liked it. I watched it on the internet. She did an excellent job with a somewhat difficult situation and I am really feeling better about things. In case you missed them, I'm going to put in some highlights:

And on that path to freedom, Harriett Tubman had one piece of advice.
If you hear the dogs, keep going.
If you see the torches in the woods, keep going.
If they're shouting after you, keep going.
Don't ever stop. Keep going.
If you want a taste of freedom, keep going.
Even in the darkest of moments, ordinary Americans have found the faith to keep going.

I'm not a big patriot and I've noticed that in the darkest of moments, lots of people have found the faith to keep going but, the presidency is about patriotism so I think it's fine in this context. I also found this quote to be inspirational for me in my own life. Keep going. If this applies to the people who, in this nation's history, had some of the least amount of reason to hope, surely it applies to me. Now, another one. The transcript says:

To restore America's standing in the world, to end the war in Iraq, bring our troops home and honor their service by caring for our veterans.

I think she said "bring our troops home WITH honor and give our veterans the care they have EARNED." Which, I thought was very powerful. In fact, the difference between the transcript quote and what Hillary actually said are the very words that made this quote powerful, because these are the things that we want that the current administration isn't doing. They may bring home the troops but will they do it in a way that makes them honored and will they remember them down the road, when they are disabled veterans?

So, all-in-all, I feel a shaky optimism. I was very disappointed about recent polling results but I'm looking forward to seeing more delicious home runs like this one. Great work, Hillary! Really great.

Hey, see if you "get me."

http://www.youjustgetme.com/anaeromyxo

Just my manga

I just saw my friend's manga and wanted one, so, here it is. I think it looks pretty good, myself.

Snores-ville

I made this huge campaign a few months ago to tell my friends and family that I am very busy and exhausted and that they shouldn't necessarily expect me to attend events, when I clearly have so much going on, etc. I think it sank in because I just had the most boring weekend of my life since, you know, early high school, before I could drive. It was actually quite reminiscent of one of those weekends. Turning off the TV, draping oneself over the arm of the sofa, and proclaiming, "I'm bored!" as if there were people surrounding you whose job involves entertainment. I didn't get that far because my husband is in the midst of a fitness craze so I was constantly being dragged off of the sofa for runs and tiny meals. Stupid tiny meals. Being hungry makes boredom so much more dramatic (and vice versa). On Sunday, I finished a book and started a new one, practiced my oboe, finished all the laundry, cleaned the oven (oops, I think we left the oven shelves out on the back porch), went for a jog, re-read one of my manuscripts, went to the grocery store, prepared a few tiny meals, watched "Lars and the Real Girl" and "Smart People" and several episodes of the Gilmore Girls, and still had time on my hands to the point that I laid down for a nap and found I wasn't tired enough for a nap, having gotten plent of sleep the night before. So, I got up and tried to find something to do on the computer which, while occupying lots of my time at work, seemed totally un-interesting in the context of my living room. So, you may be wondering why I'm not working like a crazy person on my dissertation, yes, that sounds like something one may wonder. The reason is that I am currently not the rate-limiting step in this process. It's really quite a nice life, compared to my friends who have the enthusiastic and involved advisors. I'm just sort of taking it easy, waiting for my number to come up. Not so bad, actually.

Olympic events I have seen (with commentary)

I do not like to stay up late and I do not know what the schedule for the various olympic events is. Also, I've noticed that, on my little guide associated with my cable service, there are two channels with big green bands that say, "Summer Olympics." This gives me very little to go on. The result is that my olympic experience has been somewhat random, not unlike the rest of my life, some might point out.

So, the random olympic events I have enjoyed are as follows: swimming (400M IM), women's beach volleyball, women's archery, dressage, featherweight boxing, men's and women's team gymnastics, synchronized diving, men's whitewater canoing and men's basketball.

I'm going to remark on my most memorable events, starting with the most surreal. Dressage, according to Wikipedia, is "a path and destination of competitive horse training, with competitions held at all levels from amateur to the Olympics." When I turned on the dressage competition, I thought that the horse and rider were warming up, until I heard the cheers and applause and some scores came up on the screen. This sport has a rider that wears a very fancy outfit and involves a lot of what I might call, "prancing about." There's a fancy "arena" with letters and markings and the horse and rider sort of scoot around, in, when you watch more than one rider you realize, turn out to be very precise ways. According to Wikipedia,

"The standard dressage arena letters are A-K-V-E-S-H-C-M-R-B-P-F. (There is speculation as to why these letters were chosen. Most commonly it is believed because the German cavalry had a 20 x 60 meter area in between the barracks which had the letters posted above the doors). "

I find this sport to be very strange. I only believe that it's hard work because the fancily dressed riders were all out of breath at the end of each performance. Strange.

Next up, women's archery. Fascinating. Korea won. Apparently there wasn't a doubt in anyone's mind. The Chinese women behaved in a very relaxed and jovial way during the final round. The bows are enormous and they bring the string back against their mouths, which makes me imagine that I would be anal about keeping my string clean. The Korean women had very child-like accoutrements. Shoulder guards with pink panda bears, etc.

Finally, I would like to talk about the gymnastics floor exercises. I feel very unhappy about the people who step out of the boundary. This is judged as a heinous crime with a penalty that is all out of proportion with the difficulty of the rest of the performance and I disapprove. I guess, when things are so close to perfect, there has to be some way to separate people. Maybe it's time to add flames and carnivorous animals to this sport. Also, I would like to make a big fuss about how good Yang Wei is.

OK, now I've lost interest in my own post, so, surely that's a sign. I have work to do.

hahaha

The only thing funnier than my being frustrated because I'm 96% female is my husband's score. I told him that he could trust me, because he was reluctant to tell me, so I'm not posting it. Nor will I post the macy's website visit that did him in . Teeheehee. I feel so much better. He pointed out to me that ESPN.com, MLB.com, and the cage fighting website didn't make it into the calculation but that those websites would clearly signify his manhood. TEEheeheehee. He had the grudgereport and cnn on there, which gives him strong man points so you can only imagine how he was impacted by his own search for a gym bag . Clearly he should have left it up to me...also he looked at his new shoes online because he's in love with them. TEEheeheehee. Looking at shoes, even man shoes, makes you a woman. Any sort of shopping at all, apparently. Oh, geez, this makes me happy. Sorry, pumpkin, if you're reading this (and I suspect you aren't), you should just take pleasure in the fact that I'm happy. You want me to be happy, right? [gales of laughter ensue.]

Uncomfortable truths

I'll start with the lighthearted truth I learned this morning. I use the internet very much like a woman. It's the shopping. I would like to point out that, at Land's End, I purchased a gym bag for my husband...but that probably makes this even more true because that's how much he doesn't shop online. Anyway, based on the test found here, I'm almost all woman:

Likelihood of you being FEMALE is 96%
Likelihood of you being MALE is 4%

Site	Male-Female Ratio
google.com	0.98
yahoo.com	0.9
wikipedia.org	1.08
mapquest.com	0.83
facebook.com	0.83
blogger.com	1.06
weather.com	1.08
bankofamerica.com	0.9
homedepot.com	0.94
rockyou.com	0.46
shutterfly.com	0.67
hallmark.com	0.52
hotmail.com	0.83
llbean.com	0.68
landsend.com	0.64
gatech.edu	1.06

Apparently, "rock you" is associated with facebook. I don't think I should have to take that score twice. I think that the only sites that get included are the ones that are in that top 10k sites website. I'm annoyed. I feel somewhat androgenous but, whatever.

This brings me to another realization I had today. Along the lines of "He's Just Not That Into You," there should maybe be a book for the complaining graduate students of the world called, "You're Just Not Doing That Good of a Job" or maybe, "You're Just Not All That Smart." This happens to me occassionally. I somehow get an outside perspective and realize that part of my trouble is that I'm sort of in way over my head. I have a long history of getting myself to this point by hook or by crook and now I'll graduate the same way. My former office mate and I were constantly complaining about how hard it is to get my advisor to submit one of our papers and how his standards are just so ridiculous. So I gave my paper to the office mate to read. After sort of a long time, he sent it back to me with what can only be described as an email cringe. Here's a quote:

"I have tried to offer you honest, constructive criticism that I believe will improve the manuscript...I think that you have an interesting story, but the manuscript needs some additional work before the data and significance become clear. Please don't hate me."

So, really, in short, "You're the problem, in this case." Anyway, I've got coffee and big plans to fix this. It kind of makes me feel empowered to realize that the ball is in my court. The ironic thing is that my "difficult" advisor was super nice to me about this particular paper. We had a meeting and he was enthusiastic and he reminded me that the other paper is almost done and that I'm on my way. Take all this together and what do you get? The problem is ME! This is like when I study my ass off and get an F on an exam while my study partners make A's. It's not the material so much as the receptacle. I'm re-examining my committee meeting and all the dum-dums my advisor has employed in the past and thinking that the committee must have all been sitting there thinking, "If only there had been a committee meeting sooner, we could have suggested that this sweet young thing leave with a master's. She probably spends her time surfing the internet for gym bags to buy her husband."

Sigh. Now I need to start the blog about why I am so disappointed to find out that I'm an internet woman and how that links in my head to my difficulties with science. Totally fucked up, right? Sigh again.

...but you weren't actually THE nerd

I was listening to This American Life on podcast. Ira Glass started out talking about how, while people are always claiming to have been a nerd in high school, it's often because we don't remember who the actual nerds were. We were maybe not necessarily popular, or maybe we only had a handful of friends, but few of us were the nerds. The pariahs with no friends at all. The ones who would taint you for spending time with them. The ones you saw every day, remembering your lessons from Sunday school, and seriously doubting that your Sunday school teacher realized what she was saying when she suggested that you spend time with this kid. I mean, sure, you didn't participate in taunting him...until maybe he danced with you in gym class in front of the alpha dogs...and what were you supposed to do? You didn't taunt, anyway, you just sort of crumpled your nose. You wouldn't have made things better for the nerd. You weren't popular enough for that. You just would have caused a scene, dragging the innocent nerd down even further, and plummeting along with him. I say, "him" because I don't recall any female pariahs at my school. Actually, I can think of one girl who wore her girl scout uniform to school all the way through high school and surprised no one when, on the announcements, we found out she had a scholarship from the Juliette Lowe foundation. But it wasn't the same for the girl scout. People generally just ignored her and she had some friends, some fellow matronly and out-dated friends. Maybe it was because I didn't know her in elementary school when the serious nerd pummelling happened, and maybe being ignored is just as bad, but boy nerds, that was the stuff of serious abuse. I, of course, can't say the name of the nerd I knew, the bottom-of-the-barrel nerd who was absolutely always an untouchable, regardless of his age or stage, the nerd that I never saw spending time with anyone else at all, but I know his name. First and last. I can't think of the popular kids' names, they changed in status every year, but the nerd reigned supreme for my entire 7 years in that city, elementary through high school, on and on and on. There was one week, in 6th grade, during which a different kid actually pooped in his pants, that nerd number 1 lost his throne, and it only took one slip-up, leaving his fly undone while wearing no underpants, for him to regain it. I remember so many things about him. I wonder what he does now. He liked computers and he played the clarinet and he's every nerd everywhere except that, somehow, he was alone. He was the only one who was just that bad, in the entire school. Actually, as the schools got bigger, with more students, I suspect that he gained some anonymity. Probably, there were other elementary schools' nerds in my high school that I just didn't know. I just don't remember my nerd having any friends. I think of the movies, the 16 candles, etc., with groups of nerds, and I don't remember a group. Just the lone kid.

One of those question emails

Since Emily did the blog response and I blog and since, really, this is a way more efficient way to play this game than the whole, "send this back to everyone you know including the person who sent it to you" thing, here goes:

1. What time did you get up this morning? 6:00. It's summer and we decided that we don't like going to bed when it's still light outside so, we've shifted to 6am instead of 5am for now, maybe forever.

2. Diamonds or Pearls? Oh, I don't know. I don't like the situation in South Africa so, I'll say pearls. I certainly don't wear these sorts of things, outside of my heirloom diamond engagement ring which, actually, is stored away for safe keeping until I can get the prongs fixed. I can't be trusted with expensive things.

3. What was the last film you saw at the cinema? I can't remember...I want to see Wall*E very much. I saw Sweeney Todd in the theatre, that may be the last thing.

4. What is your favorite TV show? Hahaha. In the context of my blog, this is a very funny question. I can pick a currently running TV show and say Project Runway or What not to Wear but, we all know my favorite TV show of all time.

5. What do you usually have for breakfast? Cereal with fruit or a smoothie or something with peanut butter on it.

6. What is your middle name? Henry now. Used to be Jane.

7. What food do you dislike? Meat with bits. Heterogeneities. Gray areas, as the Wendy's commercial says. Any sort of skin, veins, bones, etc.

8. What is your favorite CD at the moment? "7x7x7" by the Sugarplastics and "Who Will Cut Our Hair When We're Gone?" by the Unicorns

9. What kind of car do you drive? Toyota Matrix.

10. Favorite sandwich? The one from the IBB coffee cart guy with the fresh squishy crusty bread and the avocado and ham and mayo and mixed greens and "all the veg."

11 What characteristic do you despise? If you've been watching Project Runway, you're familiar with the "rock'n'roll" lady who is constantly saying "Who's going to help me?" "Can I get some help?" "Is anyone finished with their's so they can help me?" No one's helping anyone else. Just do the thing and stop whining.

12. Favorite item of clothing? Would you make me pick my favorite child? I guess that I would say that my tapestry-esque wrap skirt is my favorite because it keeps me from being hot while not revealing my legs, about which I am self-conscious. Ask again in winter.

13. If you could go anywhere in the world on vacation, where would you go? If I could utilize wormhole technology and go there without having to fly for a zillion years, I would like to go to New Zealand. The problem is that, after all the flying, I wouldn't feel all that relaxed, I suspect. Maybe I would like to go to the rural Welsh countryside except that I'm concerned that I wouldn't like the food. I also don't like when I don't speak the language of wherever I am. I'd like to know some locals.

14. Are you an organized person? More than some, less than others.

15. Where would you like to retire to? Home. Don't ask me where that will be.

16. What was your most recent memorable birthday? I think the pirate ship birthday cake, when my mom was still alive. Somehow, losing one's mom makes birthdays sort of depressing.

17. What are you going to do when you finish this? Work on the suggestions that my advisor just made regarding my oxygen manuscript.

18. Furthest place you are sending this to? It's the internet, so, as far as the imagination will reach, I guess.

19. Person you expect to send it back first? I think I'm the end of the line this time.

20. When is your next birthday? 65

21. Morning person or night person? I like that I'm allowed to drink coffee in the mornings. It's a vice that I don't have to feel guilty about...yet...

22. What is your shoe size? I would say that this is maybe the least interesting question that can be asked of someone. There is nothing to be gleaned based on someone's shoe size. I wear a 9. It's the same as Lorelai Gilmore, which I know from the episode where Luke is ordering boat supplies and Lorelai makes him order her some boots so that she can look like the Morton's Salt Girl. Actually, Lorelai said "size 9" and Luke said, into the phone, "and some fishing boots, size 9." Was that because the book was a women's fishing supply book or because Lorelai actually wears a women's size 10.5? Because he didn't specify that they should be a women's size 9 or that they were women's fishing boots. Therefore, I'm going to conclude that Lorelai actually wears a 10.5-11. Now I will proceed to scan future episodes for inconsistencies on this issue.

23. Pets? Two cats. Wyatt and Chloe. Yin and yang. Friendly and loner, Light and dark, fluffy and sleek.

24. Any new and exciting news you'd like to share? I'm never going to graduate! Yay! Surprise!

25. What did you want to be when you were little? Nothing in particular. My sister, I guess. I wanted to be a popular and cool high school person. Cyndi Lauper, maybe?

26. How are you today? Fatigued and angry that my husband forced beer down my throat last night.

27. What is your favorite flower? I like them together. Groups of various flowers in various shades. I don't particularly like carnations or the regular little daisies when they're cut but I like them when they're still in the ground. My wedding flowers were absolutely perfect.

28. What is a day on the calendar you are looking forward to? My defense, actually, the day after my defense. It wanders around but it's on the calendar between September and October sometime.

29. What are you listening to right now? Leaf blowers outside my window.

30. What was the last thing you ate? Cereal with blueberries. Kashi GoLean crunch.

31. Do you wish on stars? It's been a long time since I've seen the stars, part because I live in the city, part because I don't go out at night, part because I'm painfully unromantic and just don't look up very often.

32. If you were a crayon, what color would you be? Lilac

33. How is the weather right now? Sunny, pretty hot. Humid.

34. Last person I spoke to on the phone? Kevin, Kevin, Kevin. I checked "Recently dialed, Missed, and Received."

35. Favorite soft drink? Dr. Pepper

36. Favorite restaurant? Very hard to choose. I'll say Udipi, the Indian place near my house.

37. Hair color? Brown/gray

38. What was your favorite toy as a child? My sister's things. Milky the milk cow, specifically.

39. Summer or Winter? It's hard to say summer during August in Atlanta but I like Summer, for the most part.

40. Chocolate or Vanilla? It depends on what the thing is.

41. Coffee or tea? Coffee.

42. Do you want your friends to email you back? Yes, or post on their respective blogs.

43. When was the last time you cried? Yesterday during church when someone sang, "In the Garden." Everything makes me cry.

44. What is under your bed? Plastic drawers that hold T-shirts, tank tops, and small t-shirts.

45. What did you do last night? Drank beer at the bar near my house while talking to some conservative neighbors about pets.

46. What are you afraid of? Being alone.

47. Salty or sweet? It depends.

48. How many keys on your key ring? I have two key rings. 5 lab keys and about 5 car/house keys (different cars, different houses)

49. How many years at your current job? An eternity. More than I can count.

50. Favorite day of the week? Sunday.

51. Do you make friends easily? Yes

52. How many people will you send this to? How many people read this blog? Somewhere between 5 and 10.

53. How many will respond? I don't really know.

54. Do you like finding out all this stuff about your friends? Yes.

Hello? Hello-o?

I keep checking my blog for updates...see how that's funny? Because, for there to be an update--you get it, right? Anyway, one of the ugliest downsides of taking 6.5 years to finish my PhD is that all my friends have abandoned me and I'm all alone. So, it's most pronounced now that my officemate has left. It's an office for four but one of the desks has been allocated for someone who doesn't actually come to work and the other one belongs to one of these night-owl people. So, I come in at my regular time and spend several hours all alone. I keep forgetting that there are people out there, in the other offices, in the laboratory, on other floors. It's like being stranded on a desert island to be alone in an office for four. I don't know the people in the adjacent offices so I have to walk a long way to find someone to talk to. I don't even turn on the lights because Ben always did that when he came in. It used to get on my nerves, years ago, before we got our rhythm down. I would come in, and maybe not be totally ready for full-on lights and then Ben would come in ten minutes later and flip on the lights without asking me if I left them off intentionally. Now Ben is gone and I left my lights off all day yesterday...sad, right? I never did get around to turning them on. And, I mean, the night owl's not going to do it. She works in the lab all day so, really, this is just a storage depot for her stuff. She came in yesterday afternoon to eat her lunch (around 3:30) and I talked to her the entire time. She was very friendly and pretended that she was interested, instead of edging toward the door to get back to work. But, as soon as I stopped talking, she hopped up and jetted back into the lab...boo. I NEED to graduate...