I blame my husband for the fact that I, not only have a favorite baseball player, but have developed a reasonably-sized crush on one. This is fair because my husband is the one who pouts the most about my crush. It's his own fault. I otherwise would watch almost no baseball at all. Baseball is a funny sport. I've decided that those who love it are the people who can store large amounts of information in their heads (aside from the tradition, smell of the grass people, who will be discussed at another time). It's a game of statistics and expectation. Each "at-bat" is thrilling primarily for the likelihood that it will fall into line with the player's previous appearances at the plate. Each pitch is enjoyed for its willingness to conform to expectation. The baseball fan learns players' names, batting averages, RBIs, ERAs, SLGs, OBPs, and HRs. It is because of this vast knowledge that the fan then has the ability to chat with is fellows about whether or not things are going as planned. I believe that these things drive baseball fans because I'm becoming a baseball fan, or a Braves fan anyway. I'll love each of the '96 Braves for as long as they stick around, just like the next Atlantan but I also love each new Brave. I believe that Junel Escobar's spotty performance will improve and that trading Renteria was the right decision because we got a pitcher (I don't remember who but our bullpen was having problems). But I liked Renteria. We had a song for him, to the tune of Sublime's Crystal Ball...you can guess how it went...we're not imaginative people. Even though I'm a yellow jacket myself, I have a hard time accepting our own Mark Teixeira because he replaced Saltalamacchia, Brian McCann's predecessor with a name so long that it almost had to be stitched onto his sleeves. We called him "Salty" and we were happy. But this brings me back to my crush. Brian McCann. I found out only this past weekend that we're supposed to call him "B-Mac." Here's a picture:
Now, first of all, is there any position sexier than catcher? I would argue that there is not (bringing us back to my sadness about the loss of Saltalamacchia). There's the crouching, the hopping around, the charming relationship with the pitcher. Also, there's the fact that there's only one of them. Fielders all look the same. Pitchers get shuffled around and have girly, weak-sounding injuries like jammed thumbs. Catchers, on the other hand are hot hot hot. The get bombarded with crazy pitches and bouncing ricochets and they come back for more. They're in the whole game and they touch the ball as frequently as the pitcher. As if that weren't enough reason to love them, pitchers are also, as in the case of our own Mr. McCann, excellent batters. Now, John Smoltz does some terrific dancing around at the plate but how can a person really have a serious crush on someone who bunts exclusively? Now, back to B-Mac, I'm not a numbers person but, if I'm going to be serious about this thing, I should tell you that his BA is .331. It doesn't compare to Chipper (.410), of course, or to the a
forementioned yellow jacket...274? hey, wait a minute...it's better than that guy who, by the way also plays a very sexy position but replaced a catcher and will not be forgiven...anyway, B-Mac is a terrific batter AND he has that beta-male quality that draws me in every time. Look how much he loves the high-fives. None of this "take-'em-or-leave-'em" attitude. Brian McCann will chase a man down to get a high five. Add to that the fact that he has the best music for his at-bats and we have bona fide crushable material. Also, he's often seen with puppies and I'm told that he loves his wife. At the game I attended last week, a lady was pulled from the crowd and asked, "Who's the hottest brave?" We all knew what she was going to say because these ladies all say the same thing, "Jeff Francoeur is the hottest Brave right now." Are these ladies crazy? Let's not even go to the fact that the question had to do with actual baseball and she is totally wrong. He plays right field, which is not a sexy position at all, and his batting average is not so great (.269, okay, respectable, I guess) AND, he's NOT HOT. Why do all these ladies love this guy so much? It makes me crazy. The answer was, is, and should be Brian McCann. Brian freaking McCann. Yeah.
I blame my husband for the fact that I, not only have a favorite baseball player, but have developed a reasonably-sized crush on one. This is fair because my husband is the one who pouts the most about my crush. It's his own fault. I otherwise would watch almost no baseball at all. Baseball is a funny sport. I've decided that those who love it are the people who can store large amounts of information in their heads (aside from the tradition, smell of the grass people, who will be discussed at another time). It's a game of statistics and expectation. Each "at-bat" is thrilling primarily for the likelihood that it will fall into line with the player's previous appearances at the plate. Each pitch is enjoyed for its willingness to conform to expectation. The baseball fan learns players' names, batting averages, RBIs, ERAs, SLGs, OBPs, and HRs. It is because of this vast knowledge that the fan then has the ability to chat with is fellows about whether or not things are going as planned. I believe that these things drive baseball fans because I'm becoming a baseball fan, or a Braves fan anyway. I'll love each of the '96 Braves for as long as they stick around, just like the next Atlantan but I also love each new Brave. I believe that Junel Escobar's spotty performance will improve and that trading Renteria was the right decision because we got a pitcher (I don't remember who but our bullpen was having problems). But I liked Renteria. We had a song for him, to the tune of Sublime's Crystal Ball...you can guess how it went...we're not imaginative people. Even though I'm a yellow jacket myself, I have a hard time accepting our own Mark Teixeira because he replaced Saltalamacchia, Brian McCann's predecessor with a name so long that it almost had to be stitched onto his sleeves. We called him "Salty" and we were happy. But this brings me back to my crush. Brian McCann. I found out only this past weekend that we're supposed to call him "B-Mac." Here's a picture:
Now, first of all, is there any position sexier than catcher? I would argue that there is not (bringing us back to my sadness about the loss of Saltalamacchia). There's the crouching, the hopping around, the charming relationship with the pitcher. Also, there's the fact that there's only one of them. Fielders all look the same. Pitchers get shuffled around and have girly, weak-sounding injuries like jammed thumbs. Catchers, on the other hand are hot hot hot. The get bombarded with crazy pitches and bouncing ricochets and they come back for more. They're in the whole game and they touch the ball as frequently as the pitcher. As if that weren't enough reason to love them, pitchers are also, as in the case of our own Mr. McCann, excellent batters. Now, John Smoltz does some terrific dancing around at the plate but how can a person really have a serious crush on someone who bunts exclusively? Now, back to B-Mac, I'm not a numbers person but, if I'm going to be serious about this thing, I should tell you that his BA is .331. It doesn't compare to Chipper (.410), of course, or to the a
forementioned yellow jacket...274? hey, wait a minute...it's better than that guy who, by the way also plays a very sexy position but replaced a catcher and will not be forgiven...anyway, B-Mac is a terrific batter AND he has that beta-male quality that draws me in every time. Look how much he loves the high-fives. None of this "take-'em-or-leave-'em" attitude. Brian McCann will chase a man down to get a high five. Add to that the fact that he has the best music for his at-bats and we have bona fide crushable material. Also, he's often seen with puppies and I'm told that he loves his wife. At the game I attended last week, a lady was pulled from the crowd and asked, "Who's the hottest brave?" We all knew what she was going to say because these ladies all say the same thing, "Jeff Francoeur is the hottest Brave right now." Are these ladies crazy? Let's not even go to the fact that the question had to do with actual baseball and she is totally wrong. He plays right field, which is not a sexy position at all, and his batting average is not so great (.269, okay, respectable, I guess) AND, he's NOT HOT. Why do all these ladies love this guy so much? It makes me crazy. The answer was, is, and should be Brian McCann. Brian freaking McCann. Yeah. 
4 comments:
I'll love the '91 Braves forever. All the other 11 year old girls loved Steve Avery and David Justice, but I loved Sid Bream - partially because he was slow and had bad knees. Sarah loved Greg Olsen because she was the catcher for her softball team. Anyone remember when Greg did the tomahawk chop as he was carried from the field in a stretcher? I'm getting a little teary.
Awesome. If only I could have been there...
I haven't gotten over the loss of super hottie Javy Lopez!
I just found your blog! wooo! I only had to find time to search facebook for "blogspot," and bam there it was.
Gotta love the B-Mac.
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