Sandra Bullock and me

In this editorial, David Brooks explains/asks:

Two things happened to Sandra Bullock this month. First, she won an Academy Award for best actress. Then came the news reports claiming that her husband is an adulterous jerk. So the philosophic question of the day is: Would you take that as a deal? Would you exchange a tremendous professional triumph for a severe personal blow?

Do you want to know something sad? I'm afraid that if I had been asked this question when I was in my third year of grad school, I might have said yes. I was working on developing a genetic system for Anaeromyxobacter in those days. It never did work, but, if it had, I would have been somewhat more scientifically successful than I currently am...I think. The trouble is that I sort of would have had to make this trade in order to follow up on my theoretical scientific success. As I sort of feel I would need to do now. I have been fairly successful, comparably speaking, and I am glad about that. But, having had the amazing gift of tremendous personal triumph also (i.e., amazing husband and mind boggling love for baby), I can't even imagine losing the latter, whereas, the former just seems to be a nice little fortunate thing. Probably, if I had failed in my career, I would feel differently. Particularly when my kid(s) get older and move away, I will be glad that I did this thing for my self. Also, I was incredibly glad to go back to work when Milers got old enough. That's not true for everyone and every job. I'm not sure what I'm trying to say here but Brooks goes on to say:

if you had to take more than three seconds to think about this question, you are absolutely crazy. Marital happiness is far more important than anything else in determining personal well-being. If you have a successful marriage, it doesn’t matter how many professional setbacks you endure, you will be reasonably happy. If you have an unsuccessful marriage, it doesn’t matter how many career triumphs you record, you will remain significantly unfulfilled.

I agree that it's an easy decision to make. Also, it helps to explain why a person very close to me, who is in the middle of a divorce, has spent the last few years of her life continuously changing jobs. I think maybe she was trying to fill the hole.

According to one study, joining a group that meets even just once a month produces the same happiness gain as doubling your income. According to another, being married produces a psychic gain equivalent to more than $100,000 a year.

I like this final quote because I like to point out to myself how, since I married an attorney, I get double the fantastic happiness. Is that crass to admit? I think it's possible that the difference between my salary if I had gone crazy as a scientist would be $100,000 more than what I will likely do as a job now that I'm a mom. However, the scientist on whose salary I'm basing this estimate is not happier than I am and has told me more than once that he just wants a girlfriend...

...because, otherwise, it's just an endless string of baby pictures

Hey, consider posting this yourself (as I did) to get out of writing a blog entry without taking yet another step away from your loyal follower.

1. What time did you get up this morning?
3:30 and then 6:30

2. Diamonds or pearls?
Pearls

3. What was the last film you saw at the cinema?
Star Trek, I think...

4. What is your favorite TV show?
"favorite" is a difficult word. I've seen the entire series of the Gilmore Girls three times from beginning to end, which means it's beginning to wear thin. Ditto for 30 Rock. So, I'm currently really enjoying Pushing Daisies.

5. What do you usually have for breakfast
Cereal with fruit and nuts

6. What is your middle name?
Henry

7. What food do you dislike?
Ew, yeah, Boiled Eggs! Yuk.

8. What is your favorite CD at the moment?
Little Grey Girlfriend by Little Grey Girlfriend

9. What kind of car do you drive?
2005 Toyota Matrix (did not get recalled! too old! Wahoo!)

11. What characteristic do you despise?
sarcasm...just kidding...um...extreme and frequent sincerity (cocked head, concerned eyebrows)

12. Favorite item of clothing?
cardigan

13. If you could go anywhere in the world on vacation, where would you go?
Vancouver Island

14. Favorite brand of clothing?
Merona

15. Where would you retire?
Coast of one of the good southern states: NC, SC, GA, or VA

16. What was your most memorable birthday?
I actually do remember my 21st, so, that one. Giant margaritas.

17. Favorite sport to watch?
Curling, it turns out, doesn't totally suck in the same way that all the other sports do. Actually, lots of stuff is fun if you're somehow invested (e.g., your college team in some sort of championship)

[skipped some stupid questions]

20. When is your birthday?
"two days after halloween" is what I told people when i was in elementary school.

21. Are you a morning person or a night person?
more morning than night

22. What is your shoe size?
9 1/2 (surely Emily's mom could have found it in her heart to leave this one off)

23. Pets?
Wyatt and Chloe, two cats.

24. Any new and exciting news you'd like to share with us?
My baby is fantastic...not new news but it's something I seem to keep sharing with everyone.

25. What did you want to be when u grew up?
teacher

26. How are you today?
Fine, thank you.

27. What is your favorite candy?
Dark chocolate with stuff. I like the dried fruit ones, like pear.

28. What is your favorite flower?
I like them best when they're all together with one another...but, I'll say "peonies."

29. What is a day on the calendar you are looking forward to?
Saturday

30. What are you listening to right now?
the dryer

31. What was the last thing you ate?
Pho

32. Do you wish on stars?
not often. you can't really see them in my city.

33. If you were a crayon, what color would you be?
purple

34. How is the weather right now?
unseasonably cold.

35. The first person you spoke to on the phone today
Kevin. he's pretty much the only person i talk to every day

36. Favorite soft drink?
La Croix

37. Favorite restaurant?
I don't know. I don't really have favorites. I change my mind.

38. Real hair color?
Saltier and saltier salt and pepper

39. What was your favorite toy as a child?
my sister's toy

40. Summer or winter?
well, it depends on the locale. in the southeastern US, I like winter.

41. Hugs or kisses
no thank you, unless you're my husband, in which case, both, please.

42. Chocolate or Vanilla?
dark chocolate...these questions don't really allow for my fickle personality.

43. Coffee or tea?
coffee

[stupid]

45. When was the last time you cried?
At a la leche league meeting as I told the group that I don't enjoy leaving my baby at daycare.

46. What is under your bed?
clothes in plastic boxes

47. What did you do last night?
fed baby, watched tv, fed baby, watched tv, bathed baby, fed baby, went to bed

48. What are you afraid of?
losing people I love

49. Salty or sweet?
See!?! What is this!?! Both. I like both.

50. How many keys on your key ring?
I have two key rings. My work one has five. My home one has...maybe also 5.

51. How many years at your current job?
one

52. Favorite day of the week?
Saturday

53. How many towns have you lived in?
6 in the 18 years before I graduated from high school. 2 in the 15 years after that (one of which I lived in for only 4 months).

54. Do you make friends easily?
yes...but I don't always like them..is that okay to say?

[more stupid questions]

Softy

I have said before that I don't really buy the idea of baby-directed parenting. I guess I believe that parents know things that babies don't know about what is best for a baby. They need to eat before they're so hungry they cry, they need to sleep before they're so tired they fall asleep, etc. So, I've felt a little bit like a hard-ass when compared to my more attachment-style parent friends. I sort of keep my voice down and try not to comment when people talk about "feeding on demand" and letting the baby "take the lead." I have a consultant, you see. She came to my house when the baby was three weeks old and showed me how to clip his fingernails, bathe him, take his temperature, etc. And, she advises me via email on how to keep his schedule updated with his development and how to treat his minor medical conditions like cradle cap and spitting up. She also helped me diagnose his acid reflux, along with his doctor. Now, all that said, I have found my divergent point from the routine-focused parents.

It seems that the latter parents, those who don't let the baby "take the lead," have a tendency to buy into a one-size-fits-all philosophy. At 8 weeks, babies should sleep through the night. At bedtime, they need to take a bath, have a bottle from their daddies, read a book, and go to sleep. They should eat every 2.5-3 hours when little and 3.5-4 when bigger. I enjoyed these rules when the baby was little. He was hard to read and I couldn't tell what he wanted so the rules made me feel like he was taken care of, whether or not he was completely glee-ful. Now, I'm getting a little soft. I feel like I can make decisions based on Milo's specific needs and personality. He sleeps well. He wakes up at 4am and wants to be fed, but, frankly, I miss him and want to see him at 4am so I don't mind. I don't want to push him to stay asleep yet. Also, his skin is really dry and he goes to sleep pretty easily so I'm considering dropping the bath a few days a week. Finally, he doesn't seem to be hungry outside of his scheduled eating times very often, but, when he is, I feed him. Another funny thing about the difference between me and my consultant presented itself recently when Milo boycotted his bottle, five days before he needed to start daycare. I asked a few different people what to do. I don't want to criticize, because I asked. I'll just say that I feel differently than my consultant on this issue. I explained to her that, when Milo screamed and turned all red and angry (totally out of character), I caved and breastfed him. She explained to me that, "If you cave he will know 'I can scream, throw a fit and get the breast'." I just think he's too little to know this sort of cause and effect. I think he's unhappy for some reason and that I can give him some room and wait for him to feel better. For the record, he took his bottle the following night without a fuss. I don't know why he spent two nights rebelling but I don't really care.

Here is a very uneventful video of him bouncing himself/his toys in his bouncy chair. I, of course, find it to be the cutest thing in the world. You, maybe, will find that it looks like a baby in a bouncy chair. You should know that he just figured out that he can bounce himself. Also, there's no sound, but when he moves his mouth, he's making an adorable coo.