Did I say I would let you know...

Hmmm, I'll get you some photos in a few days. In the mean time, here are some highlights:

I teach 24 senior IB Biology students (IB Bio II), about 33 juniors (IB Bio I), and approximately 90 Environmental Science students of various ages but who are primarily juniors. I also have juniors in my homeroom...a school phenomenon which, based on having attended high school, I should have anticipated, but didn't. Other things I should have anticipated but didn't include 17-year-olds throwing scissors around a room, approximately 15 mold-growth on bread summer experiments, and a classroom full of unlabelled chemistry experiments from about 5 years' worth of teachers who stayed in my classroom for only a year.

Despite these unanticipated phenomena, things really are going great. I could work for 24 hours a day, but, based on my 6:45 am arrival time, I've set 4:45 pm as my going home time, which I stick to every day. I take papers home to grade but I have left my classroom at 4:45 every day and still gotten my classes planned, despite some days when it seemed highly unlikely. I pick up my baby boy and spend about 2 hours with him each night, which is sub-optimal, but I also get weekends with him and, in the future, long uninterrupted periods of time that would be out of the question in any other job.

I'm enjoying my regular-level Environmental Science class more than I anticipated because there's less pressure to perform and I think that the IB curriculum may actually be easier to tackle than I feared. We'll see how my scores turn out but there seems to be adequate time to practice the test inside of the prescribed curriculum. I enjoy reminding myself about the science I don't remember so well and I find that I learn things more quickly now than I did when I was in high school. Turns out all that "learning to learn" business isn't totally made up. Anyway, as I said, pictures will follow. The only pictures I've taken lately are of my boy, who can stand up (assisted) but otherwise refuses to meet milestones.

High School, here I come

Well, the decision's been made. In about two weeks, I enter the wild world of teaching high school. "How did this happen?", you may wonder? "I thought you were having a great time investigating the microbial ecology of freshwater zooplankton disease dynamics." If you said that, you're totally right. I have had a great time. I have really enjoyed research, but, I can't be a PostDoc forever and appealing opportunities are hard to come by. So, when I got an email in my inbox looking for someone to teach IB Biology at a school in a charming Atlanta suburb, a school that already employs a friend of mine, a school that values higher education in its teachers and makes an effort to streamline the transition into teaching for those who are willing to work in their advanced programs, well, when I got that email, I sent in my resume. The rest is history.



I know that lots of things are going to change for me, not the least of which is the structured schedule that starts at 7am. That's right, I have to be at my job, which is about 30 miles from my house, at 7am. Fortunately, I've grown accustomed to an early wake-up call (or maybe I should say 'wake-up cry'). Anyway, I'll miss my time at Georgia Tech but, honestly, it's way past time for me to move on. I've been here for 15 years. I've never been anywhere for 15 years! It's longer than I was in school before I came to Georgia Tech! If I add my education all up together, more than half of it was at Georgia Tech! Seriously, I never really envisioned myself as a "Georgia Tech person" and, yet, somehow, I've become an institution. I've been here longer than the campanile and it's on the logo! So, if I wasn't an adult before, I am now. I'll let you know how it goes.

What does it say about me that I love Sue Sylvester?

i just posted the following quote to my facebook status update:

"Oh Dear God, please, please, stop talking. I'm trying desperately to ignore the treacly sweet inanity of your asinine conversation but now I've got bile in my mouth and I will hold my tongue no further." -Sue Sylvester

How many times has this sentiment crossed my mind? How many? Is that okay? Am I a bitter, middle aged prude obsessed with a cheerleading team on the inside?

Here's a whole list of quotes that makes me love her all the more. Sigh. I'm going to copy the diary entry for you because I'm currently watching it...

Dear Journal, Feeling listless again today. It began at dawn, when I tried to make a smoothie out of beef bones, breaking my juicer. And then at Cheerios practice, disaster. It was unmistakable. It was like spotting the first spark on the Hindenburg. A quiver. That quiver will lose us Nationals. Without a championship, I'll lose my endorsements, and without those endorsements, I won't be able to buy my hovercraft.

Sick days, home sick, away without leave actually

I have the worst cold I've had since I was a kid. It makes me think of being a kid because of that and because my baby has it and I'm mothering a sick person, which I've never done and so I keep thinking about the only reference I have, my own mother. She mothered me when I was sick, obviously, and that happened when I was a kid. I would bring him 7-up but he's too small so I just stroke his head and whisper that I'm sorry he's sick. This reminds me of the fact that that's what my grandmother did when she came to visit my mom when my mom was dying. That is incredibly sad so, to lighten the mood, I'll tell the following story:

I walked down to the mailbox this morning to put my netflix movies in it and, had the garbage men come, to roll back up the garbage can. My 80+-year-old chatty neighbor was just getting out of his car as I walked back toward my house. When I got ready to open the door to go in, I turned to see him standing in his driveway facing me.

Me: [motions to throat]

Him: You don't have laryngitis do you!?!

Me: [clears throat and croaks] No, just a real sore throat.

Him: Oh, I'm sorry to hear that. I noticed you've been home a lot. Does the baby have it too?

(My porch is approximately 50 yards from his driveway so I sort of have to shout.)

Me: He sure does.

Him: [cups hand near ear]

Me: [clears throat again] HE SURE DOES!

Him: [cups hand near ear again] I couldn't hear you. A plane was flying over.

Me: YES! YES, HE HAS IT TOO!!! [turns toward door]

Him: Well, I sure hope you feel better soon...

Me: THANKS! HAVE A GOOD DAY!!! [turns and goes into house]

Do you think that, by the time he asked me to repeat myself the second time, he had forgotten about the beginning of the conversation and my motion toward my throat? Or do you think maybe he forgot about how people shouldn't force people with sore throats to shout? Or maybe he is just that desperate to talk to someone besides his wife. It's hard to say.

Marine Lorax?

The Lorax spoke for the trees 'cause the trees have no tongues. We all went crazy and started climbing onto "save the rainforest" movement. Paper got recycled and people scolded each other about the trees that went into their wasteful print jobs. I'm not sure it helped but we all realized that there was a crisis. Our parents and grandparents shook their heads sadly and talked about how, "All this used to be forest." We didn't maybe realize that, as we spoke, we were doing the same thing to the oceans.

The dead zone, the garbage patch, and now this. It's not going to be okay, you know? I just don't think it's going to be okay. We'll be explaining to our children about how we used to be able to just put bait on a line, catch a fish from the ocean, and eat it. They'll be like, "WHAAAA!?!" I'm not sure what to do. I'm excited to have a friend working on the problem. She realized it was a big deal years ago...What the f- are we gonna do?

What women talk about...

I feel annoyed when men talk about how hard women are to understand. There are several reasons. It's hard to break down. But, a friend of mine recently said that he hates working in majority male workplaces because these environments tend to nurture conversations that revolve around sex and sports. The friend doesn't like to talk about either topic with his coworkers. This observation by my friend led me to consider what gets discussed in primarily female environments and it's not so easy to describe. This makes me think two things: (1) If I go around saying that all men talk about is sex and sports, gobs and tons of men would agree with me, but, I would be alienating and excluding lots of other men who don't. (2) If the men who say that women are hard to understand fall into the category of men who talk primarily about sex and sports, I can see how they would feel confused by the proverbial women, who have more than two topics of conversation. On the other hand, we have Randy Travis who extols that old men will "talk about the weather...forever and ever amen," while old women will "talk about old men." I think he's referring primarily to old farmers, whose jobs depend on the weather.

Now I will stop rambling to describe what I have thought of in terms of things I talk about when only women are around that I would not talk about if a man or two were present:

(1) My weight. Including my attempts to lose weight, how badly I have eaten recently, how fat I have become or fear I will become, and any recent fluctuations in my weight. This also includes conversations that fall under the umbrella of assuming that my companions worry about their weights as much as I do.

(2) Men. Sorry, I know it's cliche but it's true. Randy Travis is not totally wrong. It probably has to do with the minority's reliance on the majority, etc. Anyway, I talk to my female friends about my husband, their partners, the way men do things or don't do things, differences between genders (the conversation I'm currently sharing falls into category number 2), etc.

(2) How cute things are. This is the one that I mentioned to my friend. Many women will talk about pop idols but, in science, I find that lots of women like to talk about how cute baby animals and various microbes are (I'm a microbiologist). Also, sometimes, tiny glassware (particularly organic chemists).

All of this caused me to think about what I talk about when men are around. Some things that I talk about in the all-female lab would just stay in rotation, is what I've decided. No new topics that I can think of. Gender neutral topics include:

(1) Books that aren't totally embarassingly girly (i.e., romance novels, which go into the upper category).

(2) NPR. Always good for a conversation with other highly educated liberals.

(3) Funny stuff. As opposed to cute stuff. Videos of people falling down are one example. Having seen someone fall down would be another example.

(4) Science itself. You know, when we talk about work or what we're actually working on. What do you mean I never actually work!?!

(5) Politics and religion. These topics should never be discussed at work but often are.

Finally, the friend was saying that he wanted women around so that he could get away from the sex and sports talk. I replied that I also might enjoy having men around, but, then I remembered what we talk about when there aren't men around and realized that it's often me who started the conversation and that I might feel annoyed to not be able to gripe about my weight...or, you know, my period or breasts or whatever...

Oh, that sleep talkin' man

http://sleeptalkinman.blogspot.com/

Surely you've all seen this but I just want to say that I love it. Allegedly, he talks in his sleep and his wife records it and puts it on the blog. I don't really care if it's true. I'm rarely this clever, asleep or awake. Everything he says makes me happy and laughy and, unlike me and the rest of you, he says something every day. He can be depended upon. Some of my favorites include, "Don't put the duck there, it's totally irresponsible. Put him on the swing, he'll have much more fun." and today's, "God, you whine like whale song. But a lot less eerie and beautiful and more, well, fucking annoying." Actually, all of today's are hilarious, which makes me feel a little like a grump-a-potamus because his wife does a little disclaimer about how unkind he was last night. Love. this. guy.

Oh, one more thing, this site confirms my suspicion that we're all more clever and enlightened when we're sleeping and that we, therefore, should prioritize sleep if we want to be smart.

Idyllic...sometimes

Kevin put up a hammock in our back yard a couple of weekends ago. It's much more comfortable than I remembered hammocks being. We took some very charming photos of Milo and me out there:




It seems perfect, and it was. However, just an hour ago, I took Milo out there to try and re-live the moment. Problem #1: Kevin wouldn't go out because he wanted to continue watching the Braves. Problem #2: The sun was shining directly in the baby's eyes such that I had to walk around to the compost-pile side of the hammock. Problem #3: I came back in covered in something invisible that itches like a mother. Some sort of buggy. I can't see it but every now and then I pick at an itchy spot and have something between my fingers. It's too small to examine. I don't know what it is. I have 100 itchy spots.

Sandra Bullock and me

In this editorial, David Brooks explains/asks:

Two things happened to Sandra Bullock this month. First, she won an Academy Award for best actress. Then came the news reports claiming that her husband is an adulterous jerk. So the philosophic question of the day is: Would you take that as a deal? Would you exchange a tremendous professional triumph for a severe personal blow?

Do you want to know something sad? I'm afraid that if I had been asked this question when I was in my third year of grad school, I might have said yes. I was working on developing a genetic system for Anaeromyxobacter in those days. It never did work, but, if it had, I would have been somewhat more scientifically successful than I currently am...I think. The trouble is that I sort of would have had to make this trade in order to follow up on my theoretical scientific success. As I sort of feel I would need to do now. I have been fairly successful, comparably speaking, and I am glad about that. But, having had the amazing gift of tremendous personal triumph also (i.e., amazing husband and mind boggling love for baby), I can't even imagine losing the latter, whereas, the former just seems to be a nice little fortunate thing. Probably, if I had failed in my career, I would feel differently. Particularly when my kid(s) get older and move away, I will be glad that I did this thing for my self. Also, I was incredibly glad to go back to work when Milers got old enough. That's not true for everyone and every job. I'm not sure what I'm trying to say here but Brooks goes on to say:

if you had to take more than three seconds to think about this question, you are absolutely crazy. Marital happiness is far more important than anything else in determining personal well-being. If you have a successful marriage, it doesn’t matter how many professional setbacks you endure, you will be reasonably happy. If you have an unsuccessful marriage, it doesn’t matter how many career triumphs you record, you will remain significantly unfulfilled.

I agree that it's an easy decision to make. Also, it helps to explain why a person very close to me, who is in the middle of a divorce, has spent the last few years of her life continuously changing jobs. I think maybe she was trying to fill the hole.

According to one study, joining a group that meets even just once a month produces the same happiness gain as doubling your income. According to another, being married produces a psychic gain equivalent to more than $100,000 a year.

I like this final quote because I like to point out to myself how, since I married an attorney, I get double the fantastic happiness. Is that crass to admit? I think it's possible that the difference between my salary if I had gone crazy as a scientist would be $100,000 more than what I will likely do as a job now that I'm a mom. However, the scientist on whose salary I'm basing this estimate is not happier than I am and has told me more than once that he just wants a girlfriend...

...because, otherwise, it's just an endless string of baby pictures

Hey, consider posting this yourself (as I did) to get out of writing a blog entry without taking yet another step away from your loyal follower.

1. What time did you get up this morning?
3:30 and then 6:30

2. Diamonds or pearls?
Pearls

3. What was the last film you saw at the cinema?
Star Trek, I think...

4. What is your favorite TV show?
"favorite" is a difficult word. I've seen the entire series of the Gilmore Girls three times from beginning to end, which means it's beginning to wear thin. Ditto for 30 Rock. So, I'm currently really enjoying Pushing Daisies.

5. What do you usually have for breakfast
Cereal with fruit and nuts

6. What is your middle name?
Henry

7. What food do you dislike?
Ew, yeah, Boiled Eggs! Yuk.

8. What is your favorite CD at the moment?
Little Grey Girlfriend by Little Grey Girlfriend

9. What kind of car do you drive?
2005 Toyota Matrix (did not get recalled! too old! Wahoo!)

11. What characteristic do you despise?
sarcasm...just kidding...um...extreme and frequent sincerity (cocked head, concerned eyebrows)

12. Favorite item of clothing?
cardigan

13. If you could go anywhere in the world on vacation, where would you go?
Vancouver Island

14. Favorite brand of clothing?
Merona

15. Where would you retire?
Coast of one of the good southern states: NC, SC, GA, or VA

16. What was your most memorable birthday?
I actually do remember my 21st, so, that one. Giant margaritas.

17. Favorite sport to watch?
Curling, it turns out, doesn't totally suck in the same way that all the other sports do. Actually, lots of stuff is fun if you're somehow invested (e.g., your college team in some sort of championship)

[skipped some stupid questions]

20. When is your birthday?
"two days after halloween" is what I told people when i was in elementary school.

21. Are you a morning person or a night person?
more morning than night

22. What is your shoe size?
9 1/2 (surely Emily's mom could have found it in her heart to leave this one off)

23. Pets?
Wyatt and Chloe, two cats.

24. Any new and exciting news you'd like to share with us?
My baby is fantastic...not new news but it's something I seem to keep sharing with everyone.

25. What did you want to be when u grew up?
teacher

26. How are you today?
Fine, thank you.

27. What is your favorite candy?
Dark chocolate with stuff. I like the dried fruit ones, like pear.

28. What is your favorite flower?
I like them best when they're all together with one another...but, I'll say "peonies."

29. What is a day on the calendar you are looking forward to?
Saturday

30. What are you listening to right now?
the dryer

31. What was the last thing you ate?
Pho

32. Do you wish on stars?
not often. you can't really see them in my city.

33. If you were a crayon, what color would you be?
purple

34. How is the weather right now?
unseasonably cold.

35. The first person you spoke to on the phone today
Kevin. he's pretty much the only person i talk to every day

36. Favorite soft drink?
La Croix

37. Favorite restaurant?
I don't know. I don't really have favorites. I change my mind.

38. Real hair color?
Saltier and saltier salt and pepper

39. What was your favorite toy as a child?
my sister's toy

40. Summer or winter?
well, it depends on the locale. in the southeastern US, I like winter.

41. Hugs or kisses
no thank you, unless you're my husband, in which case, both, please.

42. Chocolate or Vanilla?
dark chocolate...these questions don't really allow for my fickle personality.

43. Coffee or tea?
coffee

[stupid]

45. When was the last time you cried?
At a la leche league meeting as I told the group that I don't enjoy leaving my baby at daycare.

46. What is under your bed?
clothes in plastic boxes

47. What did you do last night?
fed baby, watched tv, fed baby, watched tv, bathed baby, fed baby, went to bed

48. What are you afraid of?
losing people I love

49. Salty or sweet?
See!?! What is this!?! Both. I like both.

50. How many keys on your key ring?
I have two key rings. My work one has five. My home one has...maybe also 5.

51. How many years at your current job?
one

52. Favorite day of the week?
Saturday

53. How many towns have you lived in?
6 in the 18 years before I graduated from high school. 2 in the 15 years after that (one of which I lived in for only 4 months).

54. Do you make friends easily?
yes...but I don't always like them..is that okay to say?

[more stupid questions]

Softy

I have said before that I don't really buy the idea of baby-directed parenting. I guess I believe that parents know things that babies don't know about what is best for a baby. They need to eat before they're so hungry they cry, they need to sleep before they're so tired they fall asleep, etc. So, I've felt a little bit like a hard-ass when compared to my more attachment-style parent friends. I sort of keep my voice down and try not to comment when people talk about "feeding on demand" and letting the baby "take the lead." I have a consultant, you see. She came to my house when the baby was three weeks old and showed me how to clip his fingernails, bathe him, take his temperature, etc. And, she advises me via email on how to keep his schedule updated with his development and how to treat his minor medical conditions like cradle cap and spitting up. She also helped me diagnose his acid reflux, along with his doctor. Now, all that said, I have found my divergent point from the routine-focused parents.

It seems that the latter parents, those who don't let the baby "take the lead," have a tendency to buy into a one-size-fits-all philosophy. At 8 weeks, babies should sleep through the night. At bedtime, they need to take a bath, have a bottle from their daddies, read a book, and go to sleep. They should eat every 2.5-3 hours when little and 3.5-4 when bigger. I enjoyed these rules when the baby was little. He was hard to read and I couldn't tell what he wanted so the rules made me feel like he was taken care of, whether or not he was completely glee-ful. Now, I'm getting a little soft. I feel like I can make decisions based on Milo's specific needs and personality. He sleeps well. He wakes up at 4am and wants to be fed, but, frankly, I miss him and want to see him at 4am so I don't mind. I don't want to push him to stay asleep yet. Also, his skin is really dry and he goes to sleep pretty easily so I'm considering dropping the bath a few days a week. Finally, he doesn't seem to be hungry outside of his scheduled eating times very often, but, when he is, I feed him. Another funny thing about the difference between me and my consultant presented itself recently when Milo boycotted his bottle, five days before he needed to start daycare. I asked a few different people what to do. I don't want to criticize, because I asked. I'll just say that I feel differently than my consultant on this issue. I explained to her that, when Milo screamed and turned all red and angry (totally out of character), I caved and breastfed him. She explained to me that, "If you cave he will know 'I can scream, throw a fit and get the breast'." I just think he's too little to know this sort of cause and effect. I think he's unhappy for some reason and that I can give him some room and wait for him to feel better. For the record, he took his bottle the following night without a fuss. I don't know why he spent two nights rebelling but I don't really care.

Here is a very uneventful video of him bouncing himself/his toys in his bouncy chair. I, of course, find it to be the cutest thing in the world. You, maybe, will find that it looks like a baby in a bouncy chair. You should know that he just figured out that he can bounce himself. Also, there's no sound, but when he moves his mouth, he's making an adorable coo.

Revenge...or affection...hard to say

The event I've attempted to capture in this photo is Wyatt rubbing his teeth against Milo's foot and Milo kicking Wyatt in the neck. Milo can't meaningfully control his body yet but I suspect he noticed the tooth-rubbing.

Dear 30 Rock, I love you. Sincerely, Sara

To evade commercials, I purchased 30 rock on DVD. I love this freaking show so much that I would consider dedicating an entire blog to it. I could maybe do a love poem to each character, one per day. Alternatively, I could list quotes I love from each character. I can't really pick a favorite character because I love them so but, currently, it's a toss-up between Kenneth and Tracy. I know that's cliche. Those are probably everyone's favorites. Plus, I really do love them all. Anyway, I'm going to start my ode to 30 rock with a few quotes I've picked up.

The show had me totally addicted as soon as Tracy Jordan did a Bill Cosby impersonation wherein he said, with no inflection, "I'm Bill Cosby. Jell-o. Sweaters."

I think that what Kenneth has just said in this photo is something like, "I'll never finish this bikini by Nana's birthday." That's not a direct quote. On the other hand, I looked up this quote by Tracy: "stop eatin' people's old french fries, pigeon. have some self respect. don't you know you can fly?"

Anyway, those are softballs. Kenneth and Tracy constantly say hillarious stuff. Jack Donaghy is always funny (e.g., in conjunction with Tracy, the mind grapes thing is hillarious) but gets funnier with time.

For example, in season 2, Jack orders a "white rum with diet coke and a twist of lime"...the bar tender says, "here's your Nancy Drew," and Jack says: "for men it's called a Hardy Boy."

Phew, that's all I have for now...there may be more later.

Commercials

Commercials are actually a big part of the superbowl so I think this post is timely. The above commercial is apparently from 2008. I find it funny but I don't remember having seen it. Current commercials I like include the Scott toilet paper commercial with the whispering, particularly the part where the person gets a surprise party and everyone whispers, "Surprise" and blow party blowers without any "honk." Also, I like the verizon one where the guys are sitting around watching sports on TV and the guy's map is blocking the screen. Commercials I hate include any Geico caveman commercial and any of that stupid free credit report dot com band (particularly the newer ones but, really, all of them. I hate how he bites his lip and jams with his head).

What I really don't like about commercials is how many of them there are. I'm beginning to really resent the reality that TV is really just a vehicle for delivering commercials. This comes from days at home with the TV on. It's obscene how many commercials I see in a 24 hour period. I like to watch the Today show and also Ellen Degeneres but there's not much show there. It's just one commercial after another, particularly when you consider product discussions on the shows and give aways and Haiti donations from big corporations. I think, for a while, I may try to watch PBS exclusively. Or, maybe DVDs.

Open up and look around

Milo is really looking around and, this week, has started to smile. He enjoys smiling at his daddy, his papa (my dad), and the monkey on his play gym...you'll perhaps notice the same glaring omission that I have. I guess that he just sees me all the time, no big deal, nothing to get excited about. Oh well, that's the fate of the mother. All business, no good times. Sigh.

Infants, reflux, zantac, and haters

Kevin and I noticed early on that people are judge-y and opinionated about their parental philosophies. I think worse than politics. You almost just can not say what you think if you aren't sure what another person thinks. People get really really personal and nasty towards their opponents.

On the one hand, the attachment parents, promoted by Dr. Sears and others. These parents believe that birth traumatizes people and that what babies really need is to be returned to the womb. Thus, your best approach is to attach the baby to yourself, never leaving it alone for a moment, and feeding it every time it cries (as if there are no other reasons to cry). People expect me to be associated with this philosophy because I did hypnobirthing and I believe strongly in avoiding c-sections when possible and breastfeeding when possible.



I have two problems with this philosophy: (1) Children have to, ultimately, be introduced into the world. If not now, when? If not you, who? Otherwise, you end up breastfeeding your teenager. This is why La Leche League ladies often bust out the boob as a congratulatory treat for kindergarten graduations. (2) I hate to be an asshole, but I need a little alone time. I don't want my baby sitting with me on the toilet and I don't want to switch to baths so that he can be with me when I bathe. I also don't think the baby enjoys everything I do. He's little. He needs naps. He doesn't need to go to bars and parties and fancy restaurants. The good thing about not being pregnant anymore is that I can share him. Also, he can take advantage of baby-specific tools like cribs and car seats and I can look at my feet, break into a jog, and pull my knees into my chest occasionally. Oh, and, the other thing about attachment parents is that they sleep with their babies in a "family bed." The american pediatric people have stated that this is not safe, but, even if they hadn't, um, how long is this sort of thing going to last? When is the best time to break the news to your little butter lumpkin that he/she needs to give you and daddy a little time...how do these people have more than one child!?!

Now, the other end of the spectrum is Babywise. Essentially, according to this philosophy, you decide on a reasonable schedule for your baby and then you implement the schedule, feeding him when you decide he should be hungry, putting him into his crib when you decide he should be sleeping. You carry out this schedule and, when the baby cries, you let him cry. The philosophy is based on the idea that what babies need most in life is sleep and, further, that the best way for them to sleep is for you to (feed them, then play with them, then put them down to sleep for two hours) four times a day, followed by 12 hours of uninterrupted nighttime sleep. My problems with this approach are also twofold: (1) Babies are not all the same. They need different things. Further, days are not all the same. A single baby needs different things on different days. The best way to serve a baby is not to just soldier through your agenda and let him suck it up. (2) Life happens. Babies have to go to the pediatrician, visit family, and go for walks. Perhaps just as importantly, mommies need to go to the store, care for other children, and, yes, go to parks and festivals. Those things don't always happen in 1-2 hour blocks and within minutes of the crib.

Now, the thing I've noticed is that both camps like to say they have the happier babies. Also, in my experience, the cartoon above is less representative than attacks in the other direction. Attachment parents really believe that the "cry it out" methods for sleep training are torturous. They like to say that they let babies "take the lead" on sleeping and eating and this sort of thing. I guess that I would agree with them if babies had read-outs on their heads telling me what they want. I'm really not crazy about letting my baby cry. I don't actually do that. On the other hand, I've noticed that sometimes I don't have any choice. Sometimes the baby cries. He cries if I pick him up, he cries if I put him down, he cries if I jiggle him or swing him or whatever. It's not a matter of my "leaving him to cry." He just IS crying. I've noticed that this happens to attachment parents also. What I like about not always feeding him when he cries is that I have more than one soothing tool in my arsenal and it also means that my husband can help me and he doesn't just hand me the baby whenever he starts to cry.

The actual issue I'd like to discuss is related to this inconsolable crying. In recent days, the inconsolable crying was becoming more and more frequent. I also noticed that my baby did a lot of spitting up and that the spitting up made him cry. He was getting to the place that he didn't have any awake/alert time. I just fed him, jiggled him while he cried, and hoped he slept for a while, jiggling him and rocking him and carrying him around while he cried. The sad thing was that he would have droopy, sleepy eyelids and would look about to fall asleep when, "POW," like a snake bit him, he would scream and cry. The good news is that his nights stayed reasonable (thank the Lord). Anyway, lots of reading, a call to my pediatrician, and a brief consult with a pediatric nurse convinced me that my baby was suffering from acid reflux. A visit to my pediatrician got her confirmation of my assessment along with a prescription for zantac. Apparently it's hard to tell the difference between reflux and gas at this age so you just have to use the process of elimination with the acid reducer. Phew, we're just a couple of days in and things are really improving, getting back to the way things were when he was littler and more alert/awake/happy. This method is combined with some serious time spent sitting up. He sits in his chair, gets propped up for tummy time, and goes for car trips and walks, sleeping upright for a nap or two.

Here's the thing that starts to make me angry. Check out the opinion of the natural people. Here's Dr. Greene, for example:

Dr. Greeene's opinion

Foods in mother’s diet can also affect breastfeeding babies. Cow’s milk is the most common cause of this, but other foods such as soy, egg, and peanuts could also be a problem. For most babies, I prefer briefly trying to feed the baby without these exposures to see if this solves the reflux problem before trying any medication. I suspect that tobacco, coffee, and caffeine in breastmilk and secondhand smoke in the air also worsen reflux in babies, but I have not seen proof of this.

Why, oh, why is it more reasonable to let my baby cry in this case than in the case of a fussy baby who needs some quiet time in his crib to calm down? Also, why is my life so completely disposable? I should give up dairy, caffeine, eggs, nuts, chocolate, and corn on the off-chance that one of them may be related to the reflux when there is medicine that is approved by the FDA to treat the condition? My understanding, based on conversations with other mothers, is that these food things are bollocks anyway. It's just a way of torturing mothers and blaming them for things, making sure that they don't go around thinking they still have lives of their own.

Dr. Sears is not as bad as I feared, actually. He does seem to just suggest that his parenting philosophy keeps babies from having reflux but whatever.

I love my baby. I want him to be happy. It breaks my heart for him to cry and arch his back and make the "yuk" face after eating. Why can't I treat him? Why do these people want my life to be so hard? Why do I have to be tortured to prove that I care about my baby? I guess the problem has to do with how personal it all is. There is nothing worse than being told you're a bad parent. It's the worst thing you can tell someone. I would say that it's even worse than being told you're a bad scientist.

What's a girl to do?

I'm trying to work these photos into a narrative. The main thing I can think to say is that I'm looking forward to a new normal. For now, things are 100% la-la land. I am in charge. I am the adult. There is a baby, and it is my responsibility to shape his life. If I don't get off my ass, he will be abandoned and alone. It's all very new. It's not hard per se, but, yet, it seems utterly impossible sometimes. So, anyway, here are three photos in which you can observe the innocent cargo with which I've been entrusted:





Now, I think this one is me, having given him his first bath, which terrified me.



And, here is Kevin, who doesn't have to attempt a bath until he feels more confident about it. Not fair...but true.